Shot at Redemption
by BrilliantDarkness
Summary: Morgan realizes the time is at hand to start taking a relationship seriously and as fate would have it, he has just met a woman he finds quite bewitching. This is a spin-off from my Reid/Maggie stories but stands on its own. Please review!
1. Chapter 1

**Hello again my darlings! I recently introduced a character in a different story that some (Tina!) thought might be a good fit for Morgan. I promised a spin off. While I welcome anyone interested to check out my other stories, I will write this one to stand alone so anyone who hasn't read the other story will not be lost. Please let me know what you think!-J**

"Now the miles stretch out behind me  
Loves that I have lost  
Broken hearts lie victims of the game."-Survivor 'The Search is Over'

* * *

Morgan stood watching bemused as Reid headed back to his desk. When did his world get so unfamiliar to him? He was the elder of the two friends. He was the teaser of the other. He was the one who had been the man of the house and family since he was ten years old. Now this little snot nosed kid just stood and told him the way things were. Morgan had just been chastised by Spencer Reid and that was not how things went in Derek Morgan's world. In Morgan's world, the world he was comfortable with at any rate, Spencer was a kid and Morgan the older brother. He teased and played it off as good natured, which it was, but it was also a subtle reminder of which had been around the block more than once.

Okay, he knew that calling Reid a kid wasn't all that fair anymore. He was rapidly approaching his thirtieth birthday and was in the final planning stages of his wedding. Hell, if not for the unfortunate miscarriage suffered by his intended, he would have been a father by now. _Alright Derek, be honest, it's not Reid's age that is making you upset now, it's that he's right. And that he just turned the tables on you._ Morgan tried to tell himself that it hadn't been necessary for Reid to be like that. Morgan had only asked if a friend of Reid's fiancée Maggie was single. It wasn't that outrageous of a question. She was a damned fine looking woman with her deep chocolate brown eyes and auburn hair, and she was smart too. She was a colleague of Maggie's at Georgetown. They usually didn't hire dummies to teach there. Why wouldn't he be interested? And from the sounds of it, Claire was interested in Derek too. He never assumed that a woman would be interested or would accept an invitation from him but he never feared asking either. That confidence probably got him more dates than his appearance or his job ever could. He had been accused in the past of flashing his badge to get a date but he never had to.

Back to the topic at hand, Reid had acted uncertain about acknowledging that Claire had also asked about Morgan. What was that he had said? "Don't pull your usual Morgan crap"? It stung when he heard those words but thinking about it he realized the hurt at hearing them was probably due to the legitimacy of them. He was a cad and that was something damned hard to admit. Really thinking about himself, he knew that if a guy like him ever dated one of his sisters and treated her as he sometimes treated the women he dated, he'd kick the guy's ass. It's not that he ever hit a woman or said mean things to her. It was just that so often he didn't really think about their feelings. It didn't enter his thoughts that a woman who went out with a guy and ended up sleeping with him might think that there was something more there than he did and might be hurt by his disregard for her afterward. He was way too cavalier with their feelings. He often tried to rationalize that he was just saving them a worse heartache because of his job and the odds against a relationship working out. That was just an excuse and as he knew very well, excuses were like assholes, everyone has one and they all stink.

He had promised Reid that he would treat Claire like he would want someone to treat one of his sisters or his mother. Maybe he needed to anyway for other reasons. There was a saying that if you keep doing what you've always done, you'll keep getting what you've always got. Maybe it was time to look at relationships differently. He was tired of hearing his mother complain about not having grandchildren and he wasn't getting younger. He hated admitting it but the opposite was actually true and that process only seemed to be accelerating. Maybe it was time to look at a date as something more than a means to a night's pleasure and look at it instead as a means to something deeper. Maybe he should really try to get to know Claire Turner. Maybe he shouldn't try to get into her place, her bed, on the first date. Maybe he should approach this much more slowly.

He picked up the phone on his desk and felt a sudden knot start to grow in his stomach. He hadn't felt that since high school. He knew he wasn't nervous about whether she'd say yes; Reid had already confirmed that she would. He realized with a start that he was nervous about what he might be starting with this date. He'd always seen himself married and maybe with a kid or two but he knew that every woman he didn't call back was a way to actively push that possibility farther from him. It was time to man up and stop running from this. If Reid could take a step like this then Derek Morgan surely could as well. And it was only a date. He didn't need to fall in love with Claire. He just had to give it a real chance. He dialed the number Reid had given him. It rang three times before he heard Claire answer.

"Dr. Turner."

"Hi, Claire? It's Derek Morgan. I work with Spencer Reid, Maggie's fiancé?"

"Agent Morgan, how are you?"

"Fine, fine…And please call me Derek."

"Alright Derek, did you need something?"

"I really called just to see if you might like to have dinner with me some night."

"I'd like that a lot. When did you have in mind?"

"Tomorrow?"

"That sounds very nice."

"I'll pick you up at 7?"

"I'll see you then."

Morgan hung up the phone thinking that the knot in his stomach would go away after the call ended but he noticed it had hatched into what felt like a thousand butterflies. He actually found himself worrying about what to wear.


	2. Chapter 2

**I wish I could say where this relationship is going for certain. Not a freaking clue though. It's been fun so far to delve into the mind of Morgan. Let me know if you are enjoying this at all.-J**

"Tell me there's a hope for me  
I don't want to be lonely."-Weezer 'Perfect Situation'

* * *

Dr. Claire Turner hung up the phone in her office smiling. It hadn't been appropriate to flirt outright with Derek Morgan when she saw him last. They had been at the courthouse because Maggie's stalker was on trial. Apparently though, she made enough of an impression on him. She didn't know a great deal about him other than the fact that he worked at the FBI with Maggie's fiancé Spencer and he was a behavioral analyst. Oh, yeah and the fact that he was hot as hell! Well tomorrow night she'd find out more because that is what one did on first dates. She smiled and planned her wardrobe for the night; something sexy but not overt and classy without being inaccessible. She had just the thing.

* * *

The next evening Morgan was just finishing his paperwork so that he could get out of the office. He should have finished earlier but he found himself distracted. He usually wasn't like this before a date. He dated often and the stomach rush that he once felt at the prospect of a first date had stopped occurring long ago. It was actually a sad thing that he no longer felt that. That excitement was once the best part of the dating experience. He remembered a time when he felt the excitement about going on a first date was so intense that if he was able to get a goodnight kiss it was actually even better than sex itself. That heat and intensity was something he didn't realize that he had come to miss.

Finally he was done and was able to head out the door. He needed to stop and pick up flowers. He didn't really know if she liked flowers but most women did and he wanted to do this right. He promised to be a gentleman and a gentleman would bring flowers. No, that wasn't why he was bringing them, he wanted to. He wanted to-oh God how cheesy did this sound?-he wanted to bring her something pretty because she was so pretty. He made a mental note to never say that aloud. After getting the flowers he needed to go home and change. He was dressed aright he guessed but he really wanted to spiffy up just a little. This wasn't about tonight only. This was about building a foundation to go out again, if he liked her of course.

* * *

Morgan checked himself one last time in the mirror and was satisfied with what he saw. He hoped Claire would be too. Now where did that come from? He had never worried about that before. Well it had been so long since he had that he couldn't really remember. He knew he was a good looking man and he'd had plenty of confirmation of that over the years. He shook his head as though trying to clear it and left his home. The drive to Claire's house was filled with more anxiety than he had ever remembered feeling about a date; well since his first one anyway. He turned the radio on to some smooth jazz thinking that might calm him but it seemed to grate on his nerves so he turned off the radio and then the silence bothered him. He was so far out of the comfort zone that he had established for himself, and he knew all of the reasons that he had established this after all. And really there was only one reason; Carl Buford. The man had used him, hurt him, taken advantage of him and he would never let anyone do that to him ever again. So he realized with some horror that he had been the one doing the using. And, while he had never forced anyone to do anything they didn't want to, no meant no after all, he knew he had goaded and sometimes even guilted women into what he wanted. He knew that there was risk involved in letting someone in but now was the time to start taking those risks and if he got hurt then he had to trust that he could handle it. This woman was not Buford.

The rest of the drive he pieced together what he knew of Claire Turner from the few meetings he had with her. She had been at the house warming for Reid and Maggie but he hadn't even learned her name then. When he was at Maggie's office during her stalker problem, Claire had stopped in to confer with Maggie about something. They were both literature professors. He really had the most contact with her during the trial of the stalker when they were all there to support Maggie. He knew she taught literature but he didn't know what her focus was. Maggie's he knew to be romantic poetry. He guessed her as around his age, perhaps a year or two younger. She was warm and loving to her friend. She had been a constant at the courthouse with Garcia while testimony was given, always with an arm around Maggie and never hesitating to do whatever Maggie needed of her. So she was a true friend and that certainly reinforced that she was not like Buford. Then again, he was a good friend and loyal but he wasn't the greatest guy to go out with, he realized. He looked up to find that he was in front of Claire's house. No turning back now, he looked at his watch to see it was exactly seven; he probably couldn't do that again if he tried.

Morgan approached the door to the house feeling like he was all of sixteen and heading to Deanna Wade's house for his first ever date. He knocked on the door and heard a call from inside.

"I'll be right there!"

Moments later the door opened and there she was with a wide smile. Her wavy auburn hair was down and cascaded to a point just below her shoulders. She was wearing a curve hugging dress in a deep eggplant color. It came to her knees and while the neckline plunged, it was in no way distasteful.

"Derek, you found me."

He weakly held up the flowers feeling amazingly stupid as he did.

"I brought you these."

She smiled again and took the flowers gesturing for him to come into the home while she put them in water.

"Thank you, they're lovely."

He heard water running in the kitchen and then she reemerged with the flowers in a vase. She put them down on the coffee table, then went to the closet next to the front door and pulled out her coat which Derek took and helped her into. He noticed her raised eyebrows as he did so. He had been taught how to be a gentleman, there was no way his mother and sisters would have let him not know these things. The two headed out to Derek's car and he went around and opened the door for her to once again raised eyebrows on her part. Once he was settled behind the wheel, she spoke.

"Are you always this much of a gentleman?"

"I wish I could say that I was but I don't think I probably am. Shall we?"

And off they drove.


	3. Chapter 3

**I think I am finally finding a stride on this story. I am hoping you all are enjoying the ride. Let me know.-J**

"All men must have someone, have someone  
Who would never take advantage  
Of a love bright as the sun  
Someone to understand them  
And you just may be the one."-The Monkees 'You Just May Be the One'

* * *

The drive to the restaurant was an odd one for Morgan. He usually didn't have a hard time thinking of what to say to a woman but here he was with one seated next to him and all he did was over think and second guess every conversation starter he came up with. Luckily Claire seemed to have no problem finding words. Honestly for the similarities he could find between Claire and her friend Maggie, they were really very different. Maggie often seemed shy and when she was talking it often seemed as if she were trying to cover that very fact. Claire was self assured and calm as she spoke to him.

"So Derek, where do you hail from?"

He hoped it wasn't obvious that he had to think for a moment to remember his own hometown.

"Chicago, south side."

"White Sox fan then?"

Okay, knowledge of baseball was unexpected.

"Of course."

"Just please tell me that you aren't a Blackhawks fan too."

"I'm afraid I'm guilty as charged."

"Oh now that could be a problem."

"Why is that?"

"Well, I grew up mostly in California but my parents are both from Michigan and well, you know how original six rivalries can be."

"You are a Wings fan, aren't you?"

"If you ever meet my dad you will totally see how I had no choice in the matter. Besides, Gordie Howe, Sid Abel, Terry Sawchuck, Steve Yzerman…How can I not be a Wings fan?"

"Easy, Stan Mikita, the Golden Jet, Esposito, Chris Chelios…"

"Chelios never won a cup with Chicago but he got two of his three in Detroit."

Morgan just laughed.

"Are you this passionate about other sports too?"

"I was a diehard fan back in the Pistons Bad Boy days, Bill Laimbeer, Isiah Thomas, Ricky Mahorn and Dennis Rodman before he looked like a cartoon character but mostly I am all about the hockey and the baseball."

"You're a Tigers fan too aren't you?"

"But of course."

"This is going to be very interesting."

"I think it is."

Morgan pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant and quickly found a place. He got out and made it to Claire's door before she could open it herself.

"Really Derek, I can open a car door."

"I'm not saying you can't. Please don't confuse chivalry with chauvinism. Chivalry is just being polite and my mama taught me that it never cost a thing to be polite but it was guaranteed to make the world a little nicer to be in."

"I think I'd like your mama. She sounds a little like mine."

* * *

Once they were seated, Claire looked around. It was a nice restaurant without being ostentatious. Either this was a go to spot for him or he had put some serious thought into the location.

"Alright, Mr. Profiler, let's have it."

Morgan looked at her completely confused.

"I know you have profiled me. What do you know so far?"

"I'll be very honest and say not a hell of a lot. It seems that you have a good relationship with your parents because there was no hesitation or distance when you mentioned them. You're a sports fan even though you have no taste in athletic teams, whatsoever. And beyond that, I have very little. In my experience, women are natural profilers, especially a woman on a first date. What have you picked up about me so far?"

"Other than your complete lack of understanding as to what makes a strong sports franchise, not a lot. You haven't offered much."

"What do you want to know?"

"Why you seem so nervous. Every other time I have seen you, you seemed so confident and now you seem so unsure of yourself. Is this just what you are like on a date?"

"Actually it's far from it. I had some things brought to my attention about the way I approach dating and potential relationships and I'm trying to find a different way to be."

"Am I going to be filled in on this at any time?"

"I hope we will hit it off well enough that it might be the case."

"I think that's very likely. So what do you want to know about me?"

"What should I know about you? Any warnings I should know…other than rooting for the 'Hawks in your presence will probably lead to bodily harm?"

"I can't think of anything glaring. I'm not hiding a third arm or a dozen kids or anything like that."

"Any kids at all?"

"Not yet, I was married once but it didn't last long enough for that."

"I'm sorry."

"I'm not. Never be sorry for your life experiences. Oh, what's this?"

Claire reached out and plucked a stray dog hair from Morgan's lapel.

"That would be from my dog. I thought I got it all."

"Don't look so sheepish. I'm sure I have a few of Mojo's on me right now too. What's yours named?"

"Clooney. You a dog person too?"

"Yeah, he's a newfie, a Newfoundland. Greatest dog I've ever had. We should get Clooney and Mojo together for a play date or something."

"Clooney would love that. There's a great dog park near my house. So what's your specialty? Like, I know Maggie's is romantic poetry."

"Women's literature. I mostly focus on female writers but also anything that has subject matter specifically dealing with women's issues. What's your specialty? Within the BAU, I mean."

"I guess I'm the expert on obsessive crimes."

"Wow. That sounds intense."

"It can be but the knowledge comes in handy."

Once dinner was finished and the check paid, Morgan helped Claire on with her coat. She smiled and thought to herself that she could maybe get used to this treatment. She wouldn't have held it against him if he hadn't done it but she knew now that this was not some sort of condescending gesture, it was just how his mama had raised him to treat a woman. He offered her his arm and she took it. On the way home they spoke of light topics and of Maggie and Reid. Morgan was able to offer a perspective on her friend's beau that Claire had not been privy to and some of his stories made her laugh. Though she noted he was careful to not tell any stories that would be overly embarrassing to Spencer. That was a mental note to herself that he was a good and loyal friend. His car stopped in front of her house and he went around to open her door. She didn't even move to open it herself knowing that he was on his way. Again his arm was offered and again she took it and allowed him to walk her to her door. She was about to ask him in but then he spoke.

"I really had a wonderful time, Claire. I'd love to do this again sometime."

She looked up into his dark eyes and felt herself pulled into them.

"I'd like that too."

She noticed she was blushing as his eyes gazed into hers. He was looking for permission and she leaned slightly toward him in an effort to give it. He then bent his head to meet her lips. The kiss was tender and closed mouthed but it made sparks go off in her head and her stomach did flip flops. Oh, this man was either going to be the best or worst thing that ever happened to her.

Morgan felt the electricity too. It was all he could do to restrain himself from pushing his tongue against her lips and backing her up against the door. That wouldn't have been right though and he knew it. He reluctantly pulled away from her and smiled warmly down to her.

"Goodnight, Claire."

"Goodnight, Derek."

He saw her open the door and went to his car. Was she breathless as she bid him goodnight? It seemed she was but then he was too. _Okay Derek, take this slow. She's got potential and lots of it don't blow it thinking with the wrong head._ He drove home thinking of what his next step ought to be.


	4. Chapter 4

**Still not sure exactly how this will play out. I don't know why but I only ever seem to know what's happening for about a chapter in advance. Anyway, let me know what you think of this so far. Like it? Hate it? Wish it were different? Please tell me!-J**

"Slow down, you're movin' too fast  
You got to make the morning last  
Just tripping down the cobblestone  
Looking for fun and feelin' groovy."-Simon & Garfunkel '59th Street Bridge Song (Feelin' Groovy)'

* * *

Morgan was back at work on Monday and was surprised when Reid offered only a "Good Morning" and nothing more. He really had thought there would be more questions about his date with Claire. Perhaps Reid had already heard; he was sure that Claire and Maggie would have spoken. Then Morgan remembered that Reid was not like most others and probably wouldn't pry into this. He was glad of it as he was still trying to process how he felt about things. He liked Claire and really wanted to ask her out again. He was just trying to figure out exactly how to go about this. And he was trying to decide if it was too early to really be thinking about how much potential this relationship had. This was so much more complicated that what he was used to. He settled into his seat at his desk and was startled by his phone ringing.

"SSA Morgan."

"Good Morning SSA Morgan."

"Well Good Morning Dr. Turner."

"I just wanted to call and tell you what a nice time I had Friday night. I get so anxious about first dates but talking to you was a lot of fun."

"I had a really nice time with you too. I was thinking we should perhaps get together again sometime."

"I think that's a really good thought. Is it too early for our four pawed kids to meet?"

"Come again?"

"Well, if we let our dogs get to be buddies and then things don't work out between us, will it scar them for life?"

Morgan laughed a hearty laugh.

"So does that mean there's an 'us'?"

"Well there's you and there's me and when we are together, there's us. I'm saying right now we want to see each other again but should one of us mess this up, do we risk scarring the kids forever?"

"Clooney's pretty tough mentally so I think he'd be fine, you know more about Mojo's mental state than I do."

"Honestly, he's getting up there in years so he's probably senile enough to not know the difference."

"In that case, do you want to meet me at the dog park after I get out of work?"

"I would love to. I'll see you later then."

"Looking forward to it."

* * *

* * *

Morgan approached the dog park to see Claire walking away from her car holding a leash that looked to have a black bear at the end of it. Damn, that was one big dog. Clooney was no small dog but Mojo looked to be able to eat him whole. Morgan knew that a Newfoundland was a large breed of dog but he had never seen one in person. He was wondering if that beast outweighed him when Claire got to him. He gave her a quick hug and kiss while the dogs set to sniffing at each other in greeting.

While the two sat and watched the dogs run together, well Clooney ran and Mojo lumbered, they talked about their respective days and work. Morgan reflected later how nice it was to actually get to know someone. He really had been missing out by not taking this opportunity more often when he dated. They talked on about musical preferences and movies and stayed away from sports knowing that there would be an argument on that topic. Eventually the dogs tired and just lay down next to their people and still Morgan and Claire were lost in their conversation. Finally they both seemed to realize how long they had been talking though neither one wanted to leave. Morgan thought for a moment about inviting her to his place but then thought better of it. Taking things slow was actually really nice for a change and he could easily see things speeding out of control if they were to head to one or the other's home together. So he and Clooney escorted Claire and Mojo to her car and watched as she loaded the aged dog into the vehicle. He then embraced her and kissed her deeply. This was no chaste kiss and in a different setting it would be the kind of kiss that would lead to other activities but here in public, it merely left them breathless and wanting more.

* * *

In the weeks that followed they met at the dog park or for breakfast or lunch. They always met somewhere and then went their separate ways afterward. Then came Reid and Maggie's wedding and, while Claire and Derek weren't attending together per se, they would both be there. Morgan was really looking forward to this, partly to see the man who had started as an annoying little tagalong and become his best friend married off to a terrific woman and partly to be able to spend time with Claire. He knew she would be dressed up and she was singing at the ceremony and there would be the opportunity to dance with her.

The day arrived and Morgan spotted Claire before the ceremony. He didn't have the chance to speak to her as he was the best man and had things to do but he took notice of her. She had her auburn hair swept up and wore a lavender dress that complimented both her milky skin and her deep cocoa colored eyes. His breath stopped momentarily when he caught sight of her and again when he heard her angelic voice waft over the assembled guests as she sang before the ceremony began. He was glad that the bulk of his best man duties were finished before she sang during the ceremony as he was barely able to remember his name as he listened to her sing of two becoming one in a song from one of Maggie's beloved musicals. He did find the presence of mind to hand out tissues to the rest of the wedding party as Reid, Maggie and the maid of honor, Garcia were all weeping. He tried to play it off as he dabbed his own eyes. There was something so tender in the way she sang that song and he really was happy that his friend was on the precipice of that eternity that the song was extolling. He thought to the conversation he had with Spencer before the ceremony. Reid had asked how things were with Claire. That was unexpected. Morgan had been proud to say that he hadn't "pulled his normal Morgan crap" as Reid had so eloquently put it. Spencer had actually seemed shocked that after all of the weeks they had been seeing each other that things had not moved to the next level. There was just no pleasing that boy.

At the reception Morgan took every opportunity to dance with Claire that he could. It felt good to have her in his arms and his mind went to planning a next date where he would pick her up and then take her home afterward so that perhaps she would invite him in and things could progress from there.


	5. Chapter 5

**I don't know what it is about Claire but she doesn't seem to want to give up her story to me I have to pry it out of her. It's very exhausting. As always please let me know how I am doing.-J**

"She takes just like a woman  
She makes love just like a woman  
She aches just like a woman  
But she breaks like a little girl."-Bob Dylan 'Just Like a Woman'

* * *

Derek Morgan's Monday was an uncharacteristically cheerful one. The week before, they had been forced to abandon a case after working it for two weeks. They had assembled a concise profile but had not been able to track down the unsub. They finally left the locals with the profile and went home making it back only days before Reid's wedding. They now found themselves last on the rotation of BAU teams as they would be a man down for the next two weeks while Reid honeymooned in Italy. The possibility did exist that they could get called in on a case but it was much less likely. So Morgan spent the day catching up on paperwork, thinking about Claire in her lavender dress singing like an angel at the wedding and planning his next date with her. He had decided to invite her to a baseball game. He worried at first about this idea as they rooted for rivals. But their favorite teams were both within the American League. The nearest major league team to the two of them was the Washington Nationals and they were a National League team. That meant that if he took her to a Nationals game neither of them would have a dog in the fight so to speak and they couldn't argue; it would leave them able to enjoy the game. Before he left his office for the evening, the last thing he did was to dial Claire's home number.

"Hello."

"Claire, it's Derek."

"Oh, hi Derek."

It took mere seconds for Morgan to process the raw quality of her voice, the shaky breathing and the muted sniffles; she was crying.

"Claire, what's wrong?"

This simple question was enough to open the flood gates and she completely dissolved into tears.

"It's okay honey. Just sit tight and I'll be right over."

* * *

Morgan made record time to Claire's house. He was just about to knock on the door when it opened. Claire stood before him in plaid flannel pajama bottoms and a huge Georgetown t-shirt. Her hair was tied back at the nape of her neck. Her eyes were red and puffy and he could see the dried trails the tears left as they criss crossed their way down her cheeks. She looked raw and vulnerable and immediately he felt that way too. Without thought he enfolded her in his arms where whatever strength she had been using to stand gave out. She collapsed against him limp as a ragdoll.

He scooped her up and carried her into the living room where he sat on the couch. Tightening his hold on her, he simply held her close as her tears soaked the front of his shirt. In time her sobs quieted and all that remained were the hitching breaths that come from the spasmed breathing of an extended crying jag. Very gently and softly Morgan spoke.

"Can you talk now?"

Claire nodded and straightened to look at him taking a ragged breath before speaking.

"I had to take Mojo in to be put to sleep today."

Sobs racked her body once again and this time Morgan wept too. He cried for her pain and also because he had grown fond of the elderly animal. Morgan pressed his lips firmly to the top of Claire's head and whispered softly in her ear.

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart. Why didn't you call someone to be with you?"

"I didn't want to invite someone over just to watch me cry and I thought I could handle it on my own."

"You could have called me. I would have been here for you. I don't need the promise of fun to want to be here, especially if you need something."

Claire looked at him with mild uncertainty for just a moment and then kissed him fiercely. It was a battle of tongues and when she pulled away they were both gasping for air.

"Make love to me Derek, please."

There was a part of him that wanted to do just that but he couldn't allow himself to listen to that part.

"Claire, I can't. It's just not right, like this. I get that you want to feel something other than hurt right now but this isn't how we need this to be. It's not how it should be for our first time together. I'll stay if you need me to but I will not take advantage of your pain."

Claire continued to plant kisses all over his face and neck.

"Please Derek; it's not taking advantage if it's what I want. Don't you want me?"

"Of course I want you. That's just silly to think otherwise. This isn't going to make you miss him less, it won't make the sadness go away."

With that she wilted against the back of the couch and her face crumbled into tears once again. Morgan took her face in his hands using his thumbs to wipe away her tears and then kissed her in the middle of her forehead. She quieted and when she spoke again it was a very meek and almost shy voice that eked out of her.

"You won't leave though?"

"No, I won't. Have you eaten?"

She shook her head.

"Well, then let's see what's in your kitchen."

He left her on the couch and returned a short while later with a bowl of soup and a cup of tea. She tried to protest but he won in the end and she ate most of what was offered. She was so worn out from crying that she nearly fell forward asleep in her bowl. Morgan cleared the dishes to the sink and came back to the living room to find her curled into a tight little ball on her couch sound asleep. He thought to wake her to help her walk up the stairs where he assumed her room was but then decided that she really needed her rest and he figured to use his profiling skills to figure out which room was her bedroom. He carried her up the stairs and her room was easy to find as there were only two rooms upstairs besides the bathroom and one was obviously a guest room/study while the other was obviously her room. He laid her down on the bed and tucked her in securely. His first thought was to go and sleep in the other room but then she whimpered in her sleep and he couldn't bring himself to leave her side. He took off his shoes and lay down next to her and stroked her hair as he fell asleep.


	6. Chapter 6

**I think this is going a bit more smoothly...maybe. Oh heck, you tell me. Am I a talentless hack as the blank page keeps trying to tell me or is this getting better?-J**

"When I fall in love it will be forever or I'll never fall in love  
In a restless world like this is love has ended before it's begun  
And too many moonlight kisses seem to cool in the warmth of the sun."-Nat 'King' Cole 'When I Fall in Love'

* * *

Sunlight clawed its fingers through the tiny spaces in the blinds and tickled them over a sleeping Morgan who was holding a slumbering Claire protectively in his arms. The golden tendrils of light reached up and gently pried open his eyes and he took a moment to delight in the feel of Claire against him. It was well known that Morgan was never at a loss for action and went home with many a woman but he rarely woke with them the next morning. This was nice. No, it was beyond nice. He wasn't sure of the word he was looking for but nice didn't cover it. He hated waking Claire after the night she had but there was no way he was going to try to sneak out and have her believe he was trying to escape from her.

"Claire, wake up honey."

She groaned and squished her face tighter with a grimace that said she didn't want to wake up but at last she opened her eyes. She blinked once at him and then a warm smile spread across her features.

"Hey, Good Morning."

"Did you sleep well?"

"I must have. The last thing I remember was sitting on the couch after I ate."

"I hope I wasn't overstepping by sleeping in here with you."

"Not at all. I do remember what I asked of you last night."

"You wanted me to stay the night."

"I wanted you to sleep with me in the less innocent meaning of the words."

Morgan looked at her not wanting this to come up again.

"Thank you."

"I don't understand."

"You were right. I wouldn't have been very pleased with myself if you had taken me up on that. I was just trying to escape for a bit. It's not the circumstances under which I would truly want to consummate this relationship."

"Is this a relationship?"

"You're a little slow aren't you? You just held me while I cried over my dead dog and refused to take advantage of my weakened emotional state when sex was offered. That leaves me with few explanations. You might be impotent and trying to hide it from me or you might be gay but I don't think that either one of those is the truth which leads me to think that you really like me and want more from this whatever it is than a night of sex."

"I told you women are natural profilers. You have me pegged. Is this something you want too?"

"Have I thrown anything at you yet?"

Morgan chuckled and reflected on how refreshing this woman was. And then he realized that he needed to get to the office.

"Are you going to hear anything about the fact that you're wearing the same clothes as yesterday?"

"This is why I always have my bag in my car."

"You are a sneaky one."

* * *

Morgan strolled into work with a bounce in his step and whistling some tune he couldn't actually name. He passed Garcia.

"Good Morning."

"I'll show you a good morning hot stuff."

At this he smiled brightly and took the stunned analyst into his arms and spun her around. He planted a kiss on her forehead before releasing her. He moved toward his office before he heard Garcia speak again.

"Hold it right there angel fish!"

He turned searching her painted features for an explanation.

"You're whistling, you're nearly skipping and you just kissed me in the middle of the bullpen. Derek Morgan, you are in love."

"Penelope, I am not."

"Don't you lie to me. I know how you act when you've been with a lady friend and this is different. You are most certainly in love and you had better tell me who she is before I crawl all up in your business. You guys agree to not profile each other but I have made no such promise and I will find out what I wish to know."

"I surrender. I think love might be too strong right now. I'm still trying to figure this out myself. But you want to know who I was with. I have been seeing Claire, Maggie's friend."

"Well at least it's someone I approve of. Maggie told me you two were dating. And that Reid didn't bother to tell her anything about your reputation with the women. Apparently you taught him the bro code."

Morgan sauntered to his office still happy. He had always known that Reid had his back but this confirmation was good to hear and he mentally patted himself on the back for being such a good mentor to his "brother".

Later in the day after he had completed not only his own paperwork but a good deal of Hotch's as well, he decided to take a walk and ended up in the tiny hole in the wall occupied by one of his favorite people in the world. He poked his head into the office, although office was a generous term to be sure.

"Hey baby girl."

"What's up gorgeous?"

"Earlier today you said I was in love…"

"And you said you aren't. I was confused because you are in a serious case of like and that's similar."

"Is it too early to be in love?"

"Haven't you ever been in love before?"

"It's been a really long time."

"It's never too early to be in love."

"Is it creepy or weird to say it at this point?"

"If you're still unsure of what you feel then you shouldn't say it, otherwise, the truth never hurt a soul."

"Thanks Mama."

* * *

Back in his office, Morgan called Claire.

"Derek?"

"Hi, are you busy tonight?"

"Not in the least, did you have something in mind?"

"Baseball game? The Nationals are an NL team so maybe we could get along and enjoy the game."

"I haven't been to a big league game in ages. That really sounds fun. Do you want me to meet you there?"

"I think I'd like to stop by and pick you up on the way if you don't mind."

He could hear her smile over the phone—was that really possible?

"I'll see you soon then."


	7. Chapter 7

**Hello again. So far it seems you folks are enjoying this. Glad to know that. Hope I can keep living up to expectations.-J**

"Fly me to the moon  
Let me play among the stars  
Let me see what spring is like on Jupiter and Mars  
In other words, hold my hand  
In other words, baby kiss me."-Frank Sinatra 'Fly Me to the Moon'

* * *

Morgan worried all the way to Claire's place. He had never, ever taken a woman to a sporting event for a date before. Of course he'd never dated anyone who seemed the slightest bit interested in sports either. He allowed the thought that perhaps she didn't enjoy baseball as much as she let on and she'd be horribly bored. His fears melted when she opened the door. He took notice of the curve hugging jeans and t-shirt and of her hair pulled into a pony tail and then pulled through the back of a Detroit Tigers hat but all of that paled next to the sight of the ball glove in her hand.

"You have your own baseball glove?"

"Actually it's a softball glove. It's hard to play the game without the glove."

"Damn woman, are you trying to make me fall in love with you?"

"I just wish to be prepared should a foul ball head in our direction."

Once at the ballpark, Claire made a bee line for a vender selling programs.

"You actually keep score, don't you?"

"Oh no, my secret's out. I am a giant baseball nerd."

"A nerd who wears a Tigers cap to a Nationals game."

She rolled her eyes at him as he approached another vender and purchased two hats more appropriate to the game. Begrudgingly she took the one he offered, stuffed the Detroit cap in her purse and placed the new one on her head.

"Go Nats," she said.

"Ditto."

* * *

Morgan spent the first three innings stealing glances over at Claire to make sure she really was having a good time. During one of his furtive glances he saw her reaching into her wallet to pay for beer.

"No, no, no…I asked you here, remember?"

"And the least I can do after yesterday is buy you a beer."

She handed one to him and sipped at her own.

"Well then thank you. So which gourmet offering do you wish to have for dinner?"

"I'm a total nacho junkie."

"Say no more. If the lady desires nachos then nachos she shall have."

Morgan left her with his beer and went off to find a concessions stand that would sell them. He returned to find her smiling giddily. She reached down and picked his beer up from where it was sitting next to her feet.

"Sorry I had to put it down to catch this."

She held out her glove and showed him a baseball.

"You caught a foul ball?"

"Yup. I wanted you to see it to prove it to you before I did this."

She then went over to a young boy of maybe seven who was sitting nearby and handed him the ball.

"Now then, my nachos, sir."

"You may be the coolest woman I have ever met in my life."

"Do you not get out that much?"

"Not with women who find nachos and beer at the ball park to be an acceptable date."

"Well, it sounds like you need to acquaint yourself with a better class of female."

"I think I just did."

This brought a satisfied smile to Claire's face. She was never short of dates or of men asking her out. She knew that she was an attractive woman and men that she encountered never failed to reassure her of that fact. But since her divorce which had been more years ago than she cared to think about, none of these men panned out into anyone that she really wanted to spend an extended amount of time with. They each could attach themselves to a portion of her personality but no one could stick with her for all that she was. And that wasn't flattering herself either. She liked being able to have intellectual conversations about books and things of that nature. You don't get a doctorate in literature unless you like those things but she also liked contemporary music and sports and a host of other things. If she found a guy who liked sports or modern music, he often wasn't the intellectual type and unfortunately a lot of the intellectual guys she met at the college were a little too pretentious to care about sports and the like. Many were still harboring grudges against the jocks in high school that beat them up. Derek was very different. He was certainly a man of action but he was learned as well. He had gone to school and done really well. He liked to read and talk about books that he read but he went to college on an athletic scholarship and he actually thought to take her to a ball game for a date. As much as she liked being wined and dined at nice restaurants, sometimes a girl just wanted a beer and some junk food while she watched a bunch of guys trying to hit a round ball squarely. Well, maybe not all girls wanted that but she did.

"Claire, honey, are you okay?"

She shook herself from her internal monologue that she often got lost in.

"Yeah, I'm fine, why?"

"You haven't marked that play yet. It was a 4-6-3 DP."

"Thanks, I guess I just got lost in my thoughts. Baseball relaxes me."

It was Derek's turn to smile as it finally confirmed for him that he had done the right thing by taking her to the game.

* * *

Derek walked her to her front door and noticed that her step was lighter and she nearly bounced onto her stoop. He noticed that particularly certain parts of her were bouncing and he wondered if she wore that top on purpose to showcase those bouncing objects. While he was pondering her breasts she had taken off her hat so that the brim of it wouldn't impede her progress toward his lips and the way she ground her body against him, he was pretty sure the top had been intentional. Before he could even try any of his patented Derek Morgan moves on her, she had her door open and was pulling him into the house. How did she do that without breaking the contact between their lips? This woman was beyond good. There were no words spoken as she led him up the stairs and for the second time in two nights he found himself in her bed with her. This time, however, there were clothes falling like rain around their feet and there was no reason not to give into this desire.


	8. Chapter 8

"Walk on, walk on with hope in your heart  
And you'll never walk alone. You'll never walk alone."-Rogers & Hammerstein 'You'll Never Walk Alone' from Carousel

* * *

Morgan groaned as he heard the alarm on his cell phone and he felt Claire stir in his arms.

"Ugh! What time is it?"

"Way too early. What's your schedule looking like today?"

"No classes and really nothing else, why?"

"I'm thinking I'm going to take a personal day. I am completely caught up on paperwork for the first time in I don't know how long and I really don't want to move right now."

He quickly sent a text to Hotch to explain his absence and tell him to still call if a case came up.

"I bet I can make you want to move."

"I'm sure you can but I was talking about getting out of bed and I don't think anything you do is going to change that. My guess is anything you have planned will only make me want to stay here all the more."

"You must be really good at your job because this is what I had planned."

And she planted nibbling kisses on his neck just below his ear. Morgan moaned and realized that she had not bothered to dress at all after the activities of the previous night. Neither had he but he noticed that often women at least grabbed a big shirt and yet here she was pressed against him naked as the day she was born. He felt his body beginning to respond to this awareness as well as to the scent of the sex that still hung in the air from the night before. When she stretched her leg across him and pushed her groin to meet his hip, he felt the warm moisture there and couldn't even form thought anymore. He just pulled her onto him as she guided him into her.

Eventually the two newly acquainted lovers gave in to the fact that they would in fact have to leave the bed at some point. The realization first hit with the awareness of two full bladders and once those were taken care of there was then the issue of two empty stomachs to be dealt with. That problem was solved when Claire wandered into the kitchen and reemerged a little while later with sandwiches and chips. She went in thinking of making breakfast and then realized they had missed that entirely and that it was lunch time.

While they ate Morgan decided that perhaps they were at a point that he could ask some questions of her. He hadn't wanted to pry earlier and didn't want any of his perceptions of her to be influenced by too much of a knowledge of her past.

"Can I ask you something kind of personal?"

"After how we have spent the last few hours, I don't think anything would be too personal. But if it is, too personal I mean, I reserve the right to not answer."

"This isn't an interrogation and if you don't want to answer, that's entirely fine, I won't think anything bad of you and I promise not to sick Garcia on you."

Claire laughed hollowly; she knew what Garcia was capable of. Maggie had filled her in on the ruin that Garcia had made of Maggie's parents. They totally deserved it but still she didn't want the boisterous analyst coming after her.

"So what is the question?"

"Were you divorced or widowed?"

Claire sighed loudly in relief. Oh was that all? He could have asked that on the first date. She wasn't ashamed at all of anything that went down at that time in her life.

"Divorced. I was really young. He was too and we had different expectations of marriage and of each other. Officially the marriage lasted 16 months but we were really only together for less than half of that. It was not the most well thought out thing I have ever done."

Morgan looked at her closely and couldn't stop the profiler in him from kicking in. He didn't think it was his imagination but her eyes seemed to go distant and he didn't think she was remembering happy times. The question now for him was whether to push to find out what upset her about this chapter of her life or to wait until she felt more at ease with him. He opted for the former and hoped he would be able to read her well enough to know if it was a mistake before damage was done.

"Claire, if you don't mind me getting all profiler on you, that's the first time I have ever seen you talk about anything with that distance in your eyes. The rest of the time you are fully engaged and even happy. Even when you told me about Mojo, you were connected to your emotions. What makes you separate so from this?"

Her eyes darted around and she thought of how to answer. It's not that she didn't want to answer but how she worded things was very important to how this would be received.

Morgan saw her anxiety and thought it to mean that she didn't want to answer, that it was something she didn't want to share yet.

"You don't have to tell me now. It's okay, when you're ready."

"Derek, it's not that I have a problem talking about it. It's that sometimes others have a hard time hearing it and I want to figure out how to say this the right way."

"He hurt you, didn't he?"

Okay, now Claire knew why Garcia always ranted about how much she hated profilers.

"Yeah, he did. I kept calling the police when he'd hit me and he kept getting out. It wasn't until he put me in the hospital and I had lost…well he put me in the hospital and then they put him away for a good long time."

"What did you lose?"

She grew very silent and there were tears standing in her eyes. They were bitter and mournful tears and Derek knew that if she lost the battle with them, then the other night's crying would seem like a gentle spring shower comparatively.

"You were pregnant, weren't you? He caused you to miscarry?"

She nodded and Morgan was at her side before the first tear could slide its way down her cheek. Years of anger and anguish poured out of her as she cried and wailed and her breath heaved against him. He cooed soothing words into her ear and told her to just let it out. To let out all of that hurt and anger; to let him take it from her. It surprised him that he didn't feel the urge to punch something. He might later at the thought of this much pain being inflicted on this woman that he…he…loved. Oh my God, he loved Claire. And he knew that he needed to tell her. That in the midst of all of this, she needed to know that he loved her.

"Claire, I love you. It's all going to be okay. Give this all to me and know that I love you."


	9. Chapter 9

"Love you forever and forever  
Love you with all my heart  
Love you whenever we're together  
Love you when we're apart."-The Beatles 'I Will'

* * *

For the second time in a short three day span, Claire was sobbing uncontrollably into Derek's chest. She was sure he didn't think less of her knowing the reason for it and it was a legitimate reason. Still, this isn't how she really wanted to start a new relationship. _Way to go, Claire, just haul out all of your crazy baggage immediately. That won't drive him away at all. _Then she heard something amid the random words of comfort streaming from his lips. "I love you Claire." _Love??? _Derek Morgan did not strike her as the type who uttered those words just for laughs. She doubted he had uttered them much at all. She actually thought that he would end up being like the Fonz and stuttering over the word 'love'. This was odd timing for that announcement and even more strange was that he wasn't looking at her waiting for her to say it back. He just kept on comforting her and repeating it. _It doesn't even matter to him if I say it back or not._ That was a good thing since she really didn't know if she did or not and now she was dealing with too many other emotions to even try to think about it.

What she could think about was the moment right now where she was hurting in that way that never went away no matter how many years had come between, and it had been twelve, that awful inner voice reminded her. Wounds left scars, everyone knew that but when you cut yourself and need stitches, the scar doesn't continue hurting like when the wound was new. But the scars that no one saw, the ones on the inside, on your heart, your soul—well those were a drastically different story. The loss was as great today, twelve years later and on the other side of the country, as it had been then when it was fresh. And there was nothing to do but let the pain wash over and through her, to feel it all over again. To wonder once again why she was still alive when her baby wasn't. That's not how things were supposed to work out. And maybe the worst wasn't even the losing but listening to everyone tell her that her baby was in a better place—better than my womb? Better than my arms? And tell her that it was for the best since she was going to be single anyway. Claire was more than willing to admit that a broken home was not ideal but was death really preferable? She knew she'd divorce him before she even knew she was pregnant. Wayne turned out to be a bastard and there's no way she would live like that. When she found out she was pregnant, she was scared for a bit and contemplated abortion. In the end, it just wasn't the right way for her to go. She saw this baby as something good that could come from the horrid months married to Wayne. Maybe she could even get past the hate of him if she could think that at least he had given her this one gift. But then he took it from her. She no longer dwelled on the hate and chose not to actually feel hate. What was it that Elie Wiesel had said? "The opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference." Those words were so true and that was all she could feel about him. But about the situation and her loss, there was no way she could feel indifferent. She just blocked off the emotions so she didn't have to feel this hurt anymore.

But here she was awash with the pain and the emptiness it left her. But she wasn't alone. His arms were tight around her and his strong hands stroked her hair gently. He spoke barely above a whisper and somehow knew just what she needed to hear at that moment.

"It's okay; everything is going to be just fine. I'm here; you just let me take some of that hurt from you. I love you. I want to take the pain away because I love you."

Slowly she let the comfort take over and the pain did feel like it was being lifted from her. Or at least like she wasn't bearing it all on her own. And she wasn't, she could feel his tears fall into her hair. He was actually taking some of her pain from her, sharing the burden. Her tears renewed but this time not from the pain of memory or loss but from an overwhelming surge of a new emotion.

"I-I love you too, Derek."

She looked up to see a rather dumbfounded expression, the kind that wondered if he had heard correctly. To answer, mostly because she wasn't sure she could find enough air to speak, she leaned her head up and kissed him tenderly. He held her tighter which somehow gave her the ability to once again form words.

"Hold me tighter and don't let go or I might crumble into a million pieces."

"Whatever you say."

* * *

Later in the day after Claire had regained her composure or whatever it was that had left her so completely, the two decided to go for a walk.

"I'm sorry I brought him up."

"You mean Wayne? Don't be. He's not a blip on my radar except for his part in the person I have become. The tears are nothing to do with him."

"I can't even imagine how that must be. I saw a little of the pain when Maggie lost her baby but I was on the outside looking in and I really don't know a lot."

"I don't want you to take offense but I think in a lot of ways it's harder on the woman than the man. I know Spencer felt the loss, I can see it in him and I've no doubt you would too if you lost a child but when a woman finds out she's carrying a child, that child is real from that moment on. I could smell that sweet baby sweat smell and feel the weight in my arms and the soft breath against my cheek. What I lost in all technicality was a glorified blood clot but to me and in my mind, that was a baby. A very real baby."

Her voice was sad but she didn't cry and she wasn't distancing herself from the hurt.

"Can you still have children?"

She nodded to him.

"Yeah, there was no permanent damage done. But then things just haven't worked out so well since then as far as relationships and men go. Maybe I really wasn't meeting guys that were right for me or maybe I wasn't giving them a chance."

"I meant what I said. I love you."

"I know. I love you too, Derek."


	10. Chapter 10

**I think Claire and I are now friends. I gotta say I like this girl. As always, let me know what you think. And let me know if I lose anyone on anything. I know not everyone is a sports fan or watches the classic TV like I do (well, actually I'm old enough to have watched it before it was classic)-J**

"At work I just take time  
And all through my coffee break time  
I say a little prayer for you."-Dionne Warwick 'I Say a Little Prayer'

* * *

Morgan and Claire were headed back to her home from their walk when his phone rang. He quickly looked at the caller ID and took a few steps away from Claire as he answered. She could tell from the expression on his face that he wasn't getting news he wanted. It was a brief conversation and when he ended the call he was frowning.

"Is everything okay?"

"I have to go, the team has a case."

"Can you call me at all?"

"Yes and I will."

He took a moment to give her one more kiss of the sort that made her want to drag him back into her house and not let him out of bed for days. Then he was getting into his car and driving away leaving Claire to contemplate her feelings and if she could handle this part of things. She had seen Maggie go through this, had seen the worry and even knew a little of the danger the team could be in while away. She entered her home to hear her phone ringing.

"Hello."

"Hey Claire bear!"

It was Penelope Garcia on the other end.

"Penelope, it's good to hear from you."

"Stop with the show of strength. How are you doing?"

"I don't-"

"Your boyfriend just scooted off to parts unknown for the first time since things have gotten really serious. And no, he didn't come in kissing and telling. I just know that man better than nearly anyone except maybe his own mama. I also keep a pretty good bead on my babies and I know that he hasn't been to his own house a lot lately."

Claire felt the heat and moisture in her eyes.

"Oh God, I love him, Penelope! How does Maggie do this? How do you? How does anyone?"

"Take a breath sweetie. You are going to get through this. Derek is among the most careful on the team. I have only ever had to smack him over the head for stupidity on a couple of occasions. Now that Spencer Reid that our buddy went and married ought to have brain damage by now for the times I have had to try to knock sense into him."

In spite of herself, Claire found a smile taking over her lips. This woman was magic, what was it Derek had said about her? That's right, she was his God given solace. It wasn't hard to see why. For not being a profiler herself, Penelope Garcia had a rather innate understanding of people and their psyches.

"Are you feeling a little better?"

"Yeah, I guess I am."

"Good, now did you tell him you love him?"

"I did but he beat me to it. Hell he beat me to even realizing it."

"Derek Morgan said 'I love you'? And he said it first? Wow! You have no idea how special you are."

"Can I tell you something?"

"You can tell me anything and as long as it won't hurt any of my babies, I'll keep your confidence."

"I was crying when he said it but then I got an image that almost made me bust up laughing. Remember on Happy Days when the Fonz would try to say 'I love you'? And he'd stumble all over it? I actually had a vision of Derek in a leather jacket trying the same way to get those words out. He just had seemed the kind that would get tripped up by it. Am I evil?"

Garcia was almost howling with laughter.

"You mean he didn't stumble and say 'I Loooov, lah, loh-ve'? Really, I would have guessed that too."

Claire understood now why Maggie and Pen had gotten to be such fast friends. Really if there was anyone anywhere who couldn't adore her at nearly first meeting, Claire didn't want to know that person at all.

"So why were you crying, hon? He didn't upset you, did he?"

"No, it was nothing like that. We were talking about my divorce and it's not the marriage or the guy that upsets me but there are things from that time in my life that are very hard to deal with remembering. Derek is a very comforting man."

"Whoops, I have to get some info to the team. You call me anytime at all if you need to talk and I'll be touching base with you as well. Try not to worry too much about him. He's usually the one rescuing the others."

* * *

It was the next day before Claire heard from Derek again. She knew that if there had been anything wrong with him, she would have been notified. Garcia surely would have seen to that. It didn't stop her worry or her heart from nearly stopping when her phone rang. It helped when she saw that it was Derek's phone calling her.

"Derek?"

"Yes, sweetheart, it's me. How are you holding up?"

"Better now that I can hear your voice. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, it's a tough case. They always are when they involve kids. I think we'll have this wrapped up pretty soon."

"I can't wait. I miss you so much."

"I miss you too. I need to get back to work but I wanted to hear your voice and remind you that I love you."

"I love you too."

* * *

Claire worked on grading papers and finishing the end of the school year things that needed to be done and this all helped to distract her for the next day while she waited for word. Derek had called again at night just to talk. He sounded so tired and not just tired from a lack of sleep. He sounded deep down tired. All Claire wanted to do was hold him in her arms and listen and let him fall asleep safe from the monsters that hurt the most vulnerable among us.

She came home from work and went to her kitchen to start something for dinner and froze when her phone rang. There was a wave of panic when she saw that it was Garcia calling. She didn't want to pick up the phone for fear of what she might hear but she answered anyway.

"You want the good news or the better news first my dear?"

"What?"

"Well, the good news darling Claire bear is that the evil doer has been apprehended by our team of super heroes. The even better news is that your lover boy is on his way home right now. I've already contacted his neighbor to continue keeping an eye on Clooney so Derek can come straight to you. And he will. That man is in love something fierce."

Tears were running down Claire's face although she wasn't aware of when she had started crying. The relief was so great, she wasn't sure if she would fall down or float away from it.

"Thank you so much Penelope! Thank you!"

"Don't thank me. Just dry your eyes and put on something sexy to greet him with."


	11. Chapter 11

"I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish, I'll be your fantasy.  
I'll be your hope; I'll be your love, be everything that you need.  
I'll love you more with every breath, truly, madly, deeply do.  
I will be strong, I will be faithful 'cause I'm counting on  
A new beginning, a reason for living, a deeper meaning."-Savage Garden 'Truly, Madly, Deeply'

* * *

Claire stood in her living room watching for Derek's car. She knew he would be there any minute and he had even called and said that he was coming to her place and not going home. Finally she saw headlights pull up to her house and a quick look out the picture window confirmed that Derek was in fact exiting the vehicle and walking toward her door. She crossed to the front door and opened it backing up so that nosy neighbors would not see her if they happened to look over. She was after all standing there in a very short and clingy red chemise. Once the door was closed behind him, she literally charged at him and threw her arms around his neck. Had it ever felt this good to hold someone in her arms? The feeling was only made more perfect when he encircled her in his arms and clung as if for his very life. Oddly he didn't seem the least bit impacted by the feel of silk under his hands or the fact that the woman in his arms was nearly naked. That really wasn't normal for Derek, at least not as far as their relationship had progressed thus far. Since they had crossed that intimacy bridge, he had never failed to respond to her advances. Perhaps he was tired. That had to be it.

"You should just go on to bed, Derek. I'll be up in a little bit. You seem exhausted."

He only nodded and walked very laboriously up the stairs. Claire tried to feel better as it was obvious that he was very tired but for some reason she was worried that there was something more. Sighing she decided that she would never know unless she went up there. Slowly she climbed the stairs and entered her room. What she expected was uncertain but what she saw was nothing she could have ever imagined she'd see. Derek Morgan, who had held her and bolstered her when she was so frail, was curled into a ball on her bed crying silently into a pillow. Claire was puzzled and worried and saddened and frightened by this sight. Luckily there was something inside of her that knew what to do and she climbed into the bed and pulled his head onto her lap and just stroked his head speaking whatever soothing thing came to her mind. Without realizing it, her own tears began to fall in reaction to the pain of someone she loved.

There was no response from him and nothing to indicate he even was aware that she was present. So Claire lay down next to him and kissed at the tears leaking from his eyes. He blinked at her and tried to turn away as if embarrassed but she held fast to his head, not letting him away from her.

"Derek, look at me. I know the cases are hard sometimes and if you need to let it out, you don't have to do it alone anymore."

"You don't understand."

"I won't unless you talk to me. Please, Derek. Tell me."

"I don't think I can."

"Is it one of those cases that have national security implications or something?"

He shook his head.

"Then I don't understand."

"It's not the case. Well, it is but it's not."

"Okay you have to stop being so cryptic. You don't have to look so ashamed to shed a few tears in front of me. I like that you can connect to your emotions. Just let me help you with whatever's hurting you. Like you did for me. Please."

"It's a long story."

"Then I guess I should get comfy."

Morgan frowned, he had hoped that she would stop pursuing this but then he realized that he wouldn't if tables were turned. How could he ask her to just let go of what she walked in on? But how could he tell her what was bothering him now? He searched her features and saw only compassion and love. This, in truth, was the major reason that he constantly pushed away the possibility of a real relationship. He knew that at some point he'd have to tell whoever it was about this part of his life. He really wanted to put it off as long as he could. Why? Was it so that it would hurt so much more when he lost all of this?

"Derek?"

"Claire, I don't know if I can do this. There are a very small number of people who know and I don't even like them knowing."

For all the bravado he wore in every other minute of his life, he was terrified of this. He suddenly had so much to lose in his life and now he had to haul out the one thing that could cause him to lose it all. But there really wasn't that much of a choice.

"Honey, I don't even know where to begin. And before you say at the beginning, that's the problem. Trying to figure out exactly where this story begins is tough."

"Take your time. I'm not going anywhere. Just start talking and I'll figure it out."

"I was the only boy in the family and then when my dad died, I was the only man. I was ten."

Claire stayed quiet to let him talk but she took his hands into her own and squeezed them to let him know the emotion she had for him.

"I was really lost for a while and didn't know where to find a role model. My mom was terrific but for all of the things a mother can do, she can't teach a boy how to be a man. So I looked for someone to help me there and found some older boys in the neighborhood. Might not have been a problem in a different neighborhood but where I'm from the older boys were all up to no good and pretty soon, so was I. I had a record and not much of a future. Then Carl Buford came into my life."

He shuddered to even have to say the name out loud.

"He ran a local community center and coached me at football. He even wrote a letter to have my record expunged. It-it wasn't for free though. The price was my innocence, my childhood."

He had made it through the whole story without tears but Claire had not. She looked at him for a moment and Derek was sure that she was about to send him away. It was his greatest shame and now she knew and wouldn't be able to look at him the same way ever again. He thought that this was being confirmed when she released his hands but then she pulled his head to her planting kisses all over the shaved skin.

"I am so sorry. No one should ever endure that. No one, not ever. Was this case about abused children?"

"Yes."

"Oh Derek, I can't even imagine what that must be like for you. Is there anything at all I can do for you?"

"Still be wearing that silk thing when I get out of the shower."


	12. Chapter 12

**Hello again dear constant readers. I keep thinking I know what I'm going to write but then it becomes something else. I guess there's a lot of charcter development to do.-J**

"I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance  
Never settle for the path of least resistance  
Livin' might mean taking chances but they're worth taking  
Lovin' might be a mistake but it's worth making  
Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter  
When you come close to selling out reconsider"-Lee Ann Womack 'I Hope You Dance'

* * *

Claire woke the next morning and nuzzled her face deeper into Derek's neck. The silk chemise had been rather unceremoniously cast aside when he had returned from showering. There was more to the emotions he was dealing with than just the story that he had filled her in on last night and those would be things she would have to delve into eventually if they were to make this work. She could surmise some things from the aggressive nature of their lovemaking the night before. She could tell he felt he had something to prove, if not to her then to himself. But right now wasn't the time to analyze such thoughts. Right now was the time to delight in the feeling of his skin pressed to hers, to listen to his even breathing and feel his warmth seep into her own flesh. There would be time to drag all of those horrible feelings out of him and time for her to weep for the little boy who endured such pain in silence. After all, they were still relatively young and had all of the time in the world, right? And there were much more pressing issues at hand. Claire needed to learn how to deal with the separations that would come without notice. She couldn't wait for Maggie to return from Italy. Maggie was never really herself while Spencer was away but she had obviously found a way to reconcile the separation and the fears. Hell, Maggie had dealt firsthand with the danger after only dating him a couple of months. Claire didn't know all of the details but she knew that Spencer had been kidnapped and injured. Claire's heart seized up at the thought that someone could try to take her Derek from her. _Your Derek? Getting a little possessive aren't you, Claire?_ But he was hers. Possession being nine tenths of the law and all of that. Whose arms held him right now? That's right, Claire Turner's did. Claire spent the time that she knew she should be reveling in his presence worrying instead. Was it too soon to know she loved him? He said it first but they hadn't been dating all that long. Could this really happen this fast? Claire thought back to every other time she had been in love, or thought she was in love. It seemed love at first sight with Wayne and she supposed on some level she did really love him but that soured so quickly. Oh if Derek knew all that he had done to her, well, she just couldn't ever let him know all of those things. He looked at her with such pure love and even a bit of admiration, if he knew all of those disgusting things that Wayne had done. She just knew he'd think her sullied and ruined. She knew it wasn't right to feel that way about something that wasn't her fault but still the reality was how he would see her and that wasn't his fault either. She could never hold that against him but she'd also never be able to let him know.

Had she ever really been in love? She thought she was on the verge so many times but never seemed to fall into it. Perhaps she never let herself fall. _Control freak much, Claire?_ And in strolls SSA Derek Morgan and control went right out the window. Claire had never felt this vulnerable in her life. Love was a scary damned thing. Was he this scared? He didn't seem so when he told her he loved her but then she was crying like someone ripped her soul right out of her body at the time. And when she had lost the baby that's what it felt like had happened. But, oh God, when he said those words to her, he put it right back, didn't he? Did he know he had her soul in his hands? Would he want to know something like that? Oh she sounded crazy. She thought of all of the strong women whose words she taught so lovingly every day. Sure, some were seemingly immune to love or at least to men but many were just as weakened and overwhelmed by the love of a man as she was right now. Mary Shelley was such a crusader for women's rights but then crumbled and fell apart when Percy died. Claire tried to get even closer to Derek at that thought although the only way to be closer would have been to climb into his skin with him. And that would have been fine with her, at least then if anything happened to him it would also happen to her. She was trembling at the thought that something could happen to him and she'd be alone and only have the memory of this perfect feeling.

"Morning baby, oh hey, what's with the tears?"

"As Maggie would say, I'm running around in my mind without adult supervision."

"So what are you thinking that has you so upset?"

"I don't think I've ever been in love before. I think there are times when I thought I was; I did get married, after all. But I don't think I ever was. I certainly have never felt like this before, something this strong and totally all encompassing."

"And that's got you crying? I will never understand women."

"We like it that way. It's better for us if you men are always a little off balance."

And Derek thought to himself that he was more than a little off balance from this woman. He wasn't sure how he managed to stay upright around her. She had thrown him for a loop and to be perfectly honest, he hadn't really ever been in love before either. He had those he loved but those were family. Was it wrong to hope that Claire could be family too someday? Oh he was totally jumping the gun on that one. It was way too early for thoughts like that, wasn't it? Wasn't it? He tried to tell himself it was but all he could see was her in white lace and clutching flowers and smiling brightly at him and saying "I do" and his mother dabbing her eyes. _Okay Derek, get out of your fantasy world and when did you start fantasizing about your wedding anyway?_ But the thoughts persisted and became a little mocha skinned boy with Derek's own smile wobbling as he learned to ride his bike and Claire with a pink frocked girl on her hip. A girl with long ringlets and those chocolate brown eyes he had already learned led to the bottom of his own soul. Oh this woman was certainly the end of Derek Morgan, player.


	13. Chapter 13

"And when you can see your unborn children in her eyes  
You know you really love a woman."-Bryan Adams 'Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman'

* * *

Morgan was in his office pretending to be busy. Unfortunately he was unable to concentrate on anything at all. It had been two cases and a little over a week since he had been less than successful at dodging Claire's questions. Her reaction had been nothing like he had imagined. He had predicted revulsion and disgust but there had been only love and comfort. His head was no where he was familiar with anymore. And again, for perhaps the tenth time in the last half hour, he walked to his office door to look out over the bullpen. Finally he saw the face he had been waiting for. Morgan almost shouted and then thought better of it and just bounded down the stairs. Spencer Reid was just turning to leave his desk and head for the coffee when Morgan intercepted him.

"So, youngster, how was the honeymoon? More specifically, how was the wedding night?"

"Do I have to remind you that our wedding night was spent on a transatlantic flight?"

At seeing the raised eyebrows of his colleague, Reid spoke quickly.

"No we didn't join the mile high club and yes I do know what that is. I'll refrain from telling Maggie that such a thought even crossed your mind."

"So you didn't have sex on your wedding night?"

"Honestly Morgan you really need a girlfriend so you can leave my sex life alone. Can we just suffice to say that our marriage has been consummated—and then some?"

Morgan clapped Reid on the shoulder and shook him back and forth.

"Way to go, my man!"

"Is this why you were stalking me? So you could hear about honeymoon sex? Really Morgan, grow up."

"I'm working on that, kid. Can we grab lunch together today? I have a couple of things I need to talk out."

Reid was taken aback. It sounded like Morgan wanted advice, HIS advice.

"Yeah sure, is this about Claire?"

Morgan didn't utter a word but his eyes spoke volumes.

* * *

* * *

Reid and Morgan had settled on sandwiches and had further decided to take advantage of the nice weather by eating them outside. For the first time in all the years that Reid had known him, Morgan was at a loss for words.

"This is about you and Claire, right? Is there something wrong? You know if it doesn't work out, I won't hold it against you and neither will Maggie."

"I don't think that's the problem. I just don't know man. I am in some really uncharted territory here for me. I am in love with that woman."

"Wait, are you saying you've never been in love before?"

"I thought so but I think now it was just puppy love or maybe lust run amok. This is so much more, I can't even describe it."

"Hold up, are you actually coming to me for advice? The great ladies man Derek Morgan is coming to super geek Spencer Reid for advice?"

"Are you going to gloat or help me?"

"I think I'm more than capable of both."

"You aren't going to make this easy on me are you?"

"Karma is like that, Morgan."

"I know I deserve whatever crap you give me. So what do I do? I'm in love and I have no idea where I stand. She knows everything."

"Like what everything?"

"She knows about Carl Buford and she just took it in stride and has been caring and warm and loving to me. What do I do?"

"What do you do about what? I don't get what you are asking."

"I remember you coming to me and asking advice about proposing. Was that when you realized you had a forever thing? Or was it earlier?"

"I guess I started feeling it when I was on leave after the um, Ohio case. She was there for me like I could never have envisioned anyone being there for anyone else. And then when I got the call to get to the hospital quick, I knew I had to do something because I couldn't bear to ever lose her."

"Reid I keep seeing pictures in my head of her in a wedding dress and others of children and first days of school and teaching them to ride a bike. It's scary, man."

Reid thought initially of a witty and biting comment but he could see that his friend was really worrying himself over this and bit his tongue instead.

"Morgan, I can't tell you what to do. Maggie always tells me 'don't think, just feel' and I've learned it's pretty good advice. You know what the right thing to do is and you don't need me to tell you even if I could."

"That woman is good for you."

"That's why I married her."

* * *

Claire was a bundle of nerves as she approached Derek's door. He had called earlier in the day and asked her to come over. And she had been over to his house before, that wasn't the part that she found disquieting. He had sounded so serious and pensive on the phone and said that he needed to talk to her. That could only mean that he was breaking things off. Claire wasn't new to dating and "we need to talk" was code for "we're through" in every case she could think of. Oh God! He knew. He knew everything. _Of course he knows Claire, he's FBI, he can find out anything. He probably knows where area 51 is and what's really there._ It all was a matter of public record because of the trial and Penelope wouldn't have had to use more than five of her brain cells to find it all. So that was that then. He surely wouldn't want to be seeing her anymore and she couldn't blame him or be angry with him. At least once a day she would look in the mirror to see nothing but the things Wayne had done to her, the things he had made her do. Some days she was sure she could still see the bruises. Now that would be all Derek would see when he looked and he was running far and fast just as she knew that he would. She tried to keep the indifference toward Wayne but times like this did bring about a certain anger at him. She could forever be damaged and less worthy than other women of the good and happy things in life. She knew it wasn't her fault and allowed herself some hope that someday it wouldn't matter to some man out there but so far the elusive male of perfection was nowhere to be found.

She thought of turning back. After all, she knew what was to come and did she really need to sit there and try to fight the tears right there in front of him? Suddenly it was too late to run away as a frighteningly somber version of her boyfriend opened the door.


	14. Chapter 14

**Hello friends. So Claire and Derek both have their insecurities. I think love may triumph. Let me know what you all are thinking.-J**

"Seasons are changing  
and waves are crashing  
and stars are falling all for us  
days grow longer  
and nights grow shorter  
I can show you I'll be the one."-Red Jumpsuit Apparatus 'Guardian Angel'

* * *

"I know what you need to say and it's okay. I've heard it before. It's not me, it's you. It was fun while it lasted but this just wasn't meant to be."

The tears were flowing down her face but she kept her voice level while she spoke. It wouldn't do to get hysterical. After her little speech she looked at Derek for the first time to see shock and puzzlement on his face.

"Are you breaking up with me Claire?"

"No, you're breaking up with me. You said we need to talk and I know what that means and I'm just saving you the trouble."

"Claire, please come in. If I wanted to break things off I would have met you somewhere else and not had you come to my house. Just get in here silly girl."

Claire looked at her feet and then did as he asked. She felt like an idiot and found that she couldn't even meet his gaze. Once the door was closed behind her, Derek put a hand on each of her shoulders. When Claire still wouldn't meet his eyes he took one hand and lifted her chin until her deep brown eyes met his own. She quickly averted her eyes but he saw everything in them and felt an ache in his chest for the fear and shame and uncertainty that was fully evident. It suddenly became imperative to him to make this better. Damn what was this woman doing to him? He tenderly kissed her forehead before moving her toward the couch where he had to shoo Clooney to the floor. Morgan finally managed to get her set down on the couch.

"Please, Claire, look at me. I need to tell you some things and I don't think any of them are bad. Please."

Her eyes uneasily returned to his and he had only a moment to compose himself before he began to speak.

"I am in love with you to the point that it scares the hell out of me. I don't know if it's appropriate to say this at this stage of things or not but I keep dreaming of you in a wedding dress and of this forever that I feel we could have. This is very foreign to me. I'm not asking you to marry me. I know the first one you went into too quickly and I don't want to freak you out more than I obviously have already. But I thought, depending on your opinions of such things in general, that maybe we could move in together."

Morgan at this point felt like one of those cartoon characters that unwittingly ran off the edge of a cliff and was suspended waiting for gravity to kick in. It seemed an eternity before she spoke.

"Well I feel stupid now."

"You shouldn't. I didn't handle that as well as I could have"

"I know better than to jump to conclusions."

"Something made you jump to that one and I can't for the life of me think of what would have."

"I thought maybe you had Pen do a check on me. There are things you don't know and they might change how you feel."

"Did you ever kill anyone?"

Claire shook her head.

"I have, does that change your feelings for me?"

"It was because of work, right?"

"Yes."

"Then no, I had sort of figured that you might have had to. I know Spencer has and if he was in the position to have to then you probably have been too."

"I can't think of anything else that could change how I feel about you, Claire."

"The details of my marriage are, well, they're nothing I am proud of."

"We all have things we aren't proud of and you still haven't answered my question about moving in together."

"I can't answer that until you know all of this. You may not want to once you know it all."

"So tell me."

"It's not that easy. I have a hard time talking about it. I have an idea though."

She got out her cell phone and dialed.

"What's up Claire bear?"

"Pen, can you do me a huge favor?"

"You just name it."

"I know you're home but can you access the trial transcripts of Wayne Shannon? He was convicted of rape and battery in '99 in Santa Clara county California."

"I can, do I want to know why I am doing this?"

"Probably not but once you get them, can you e-mail them to Derek?"

"I can and I will. Am I going to get to know what this is about?"

"Go ahead and read them and you will. Just promise to still be my friend."

"That wasn't cryptic at all but I promise. Tell your stud muffin to check his e-mail."

"Your tech goddess just sent you something. It'll be easier on me if you just read my testimony and the evidence presented. It was hard enough to give that testimony the first time. It hasn't gotten easier to talk about over the years."

Derek sat in front of his opened lap top and read the attachments that had just arrived. At first it was just a jumble of disconnected words and phrases. "Rape" and "sodomy", "beaten with a belt", "forced fellacio", "lacerated spleen", "raised welts", "strip tease at gun point". He felt sick to his stomach and now the urge to kill this son of a bitch Wayne Shannon was almost overwhelming. He looked up to see Claire standing at the front window with her back to him. She was shaking and he wanted right then to build a wall around her so that no one could ever do such horrible things to her again. He closed his eyes and she was still there in white lace, smiling and placing her heart in his hands.

"Claire, I need to ask one more time and I really want you to answer this time. Will you move in with me?"

She turned to him incredulous. He still wanted her? She looked at him, analyzing every aspect of his demeanor. His arms were open, inviting her in and his eyes were filled with love and, oh God, was that acceptance? She just nodded dumbly and then stumbled into his waiting arms as if going home after a very long time away.


	15. Chapter 15

"When tears come streaming down your face  
When you lose something you can't replace  
When you love someone but it goes to waste  
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home  
And ignite your bones  
And I will try to fix you."-Coldplay 'Fix You'

* * *

The two stood in embrace for a few minutes before Claire's phone rang.

"Hello."

"Oh sweetheart tell me that icky man is never seeing the light of day again."

"Pen, he's already served his sentence and has been paroled. It's been like 3 years or something now. Are you okay? You sound like you're crying."

"Yeah, you do too and I am crying. Honey, I never even knew you had been married and then this! Oh this is terrible and why are you crying. Derek wasn't mean about this was he?"

"No, I thought he might be but I was being silly. I'm just happy right now is all. We're moving in together."

"Put me on speaker."

Claire complied.

"Derek Morgan it is about time. You have been flitting around for too long and it is well past time that you settle your butt down."

"I'm glad you approve baby girl."

* * *

The two spent a while talking about which house to move into and that turned into a fast decision for as much as Claire liked her place, she rented and Derek owned. Eventually talk turned to someday buying a place together and even some talk of marriage, not that they talked about a wedding or getting engaged but the sort of talk that implied always being together. Derek could see that Claire was finally relaxing from the anxious state she had been in when she arrived at his door. Now was a much better time to talk about what was in those transcripts.

"Claire we still need to address that one thing we've been dodging all evening."

"I told you I don't like to talk about it."

"Did you think I wouldn't want you anymore once I read that?"

"I thought maybe you wouldn't be able to see past those awful things. Most men can't and I wouldn't have held it against you. I always hoped I'd find someone who could look past it all and maybe I have."

"There's no maybe here, you have. It all made me very angry to think about that happening to you. It's not like I don't know that stuff like that happens. I see it every day but to have it happen to someone you love, that's something I can't even put into words. It would probably be a good thing if I never cross paths with this Wayne guy."

"But when you look at me, what do you see?"

"My future, don't you see that this isn't about the past? We both have things that we are ashamed of in the past but we can't let that spoil a chance of what we might be able to build in the future."

"Why are you ashamed? You were just a kid and he was an adult. There was no way you could have known there was anything you could do. I was a college graduate and I didn't come from any background that would have fed this. Both of my parents are lawyers. Daddy works for the ACLU and Mom for the National Organization for Women. They raised me to know better."

"How old were you when you got married?"

"Twenty."

"And you were a college graduate?"

"I went to college at sixteen. Stanford."

"Good school, hell, it's a great school. Was your BA in literature?"

"No, I majored in Poli. Sci. I figured I'd be a lawyer like my parents."

"So you're not even legal to drink a beer and you've been throwing yourself into politics, not women's studies or psychology or anything like that. You know that well-educated women from good homes get beaten too. But do you want to know the difference for them? They know enough to get out. Like you did. You're not a victim, baby, you're a survivor."

Claire looked suspiciously at him.

"Okay, what did you do after he was sentenced?"

"I moved as far away as I could."

"To do what, though?"

"I enrolled at Wellesley for women's studies and started working on another undergrad degree."

"Why women's studies?"

"Because I felt like I let my sex down and had to do something to make it right and learning more about things seemed the way to do it. Then I fell in love with the writing of these women and when I graduated from Wellesley, I went to grad school at Harvard for the literature and based my thesis on the women writers."

"Translation, you moved forward. You didn't run away as you tried to put it. You got some space to find some clarity and you found a purpose and a passion. You ask what I see in you. I see someone much stronger than I am. I see someone I admire. I did before this but now I have a whole new respect for you."

* * *

A few nights later, Derek and Claire were at Reid and Maggie's for dinner and they all ended up on the porch talking.

"So guys, when is the big move," asked Maggie.

"I don't think it's going to be one big move, really. I've been just little by little moving my stuff over there and deciding what I want to keep and what I don't care about. He was seriously short of bookcases though so I'm glad I had those to bring."

"Oh now that's shocking that Morgan didn't have bookcases."

"No, I didn't say he didn't have any. He did and they had books in them too. But I'm a lit prof and we accumulate a lot of books."

"And she means a lot. I promised that someday when we get a house together that I will build in shelves for a real library for her."

"Maggie, are we that sickeningly sweet?"

"I don't think so anymore, my prince but I'm sure we caused a few cavities when we first got together."

"More than a few, truth Reid, I hadn't ever had to see my dentist that much."

"Well you're worse now."

"I know how cheesy this will sound but I'm glad to be."


	16. Chapter 16

**Sorry it took me a couple of days to figure out where this story was going next exactly. So I finally did and I hope you like.-J**

"You must have been a beautiful baby  
I bet you taught the other kids how  
Well I can see the judges eyes  
When they handed you the prize  
You had the cutest bow  
You must have been a beautiful baby  
'Cause baby, look at you now"-Dean Martin 'You Must Have Been a Beautiful Baby'

* * *

Claire looked worriedly to the driver's seat at Derek.

"Are you sure you're ready for this?"

"Not entirely but I think so."

"Do you remember everything I told you?"

Morgan sighed and began to talk.

"Your father is Glenn Turner, ACLU attorney. Don't mention sports, especially baseball and hockey—kind of like someone else I know—and try to avoid politics because he's liable to go on a rant. Try to bring up his golf game or music. He loves blues and classic rock."

"Good. And Mom?"

"Lenora Turner, call her Nora because everyone does. She's a legal consultant for NOW. She loves animals and gardening. She's still sad about Mojo but she'll love Clooney. Be sure to ask about the trip she took last fall to Tuscany. Oh and do not ever mention Wayne to either of them."

"And?"

"Oh yeah and as an extra bonus today I get to meet your kid sister Lily. She is five years younger than you and is an OB/GYN. She just happened to be able to get away at the same time as your folks to come see you. I won't be meeting your brother Ian or your other sister Paula. How'd I do?"

"I think you'll be okay. You don't have to remember about all of my nieces or nephews but if anyone talks about Adam, that's Lil's boyfriend, oops, I mean fiancé."

"What have you told them about me?"

"Basic things like where you work and about your house and Clooney and that you are super hot."

"You didn't?"

"Well, not my parents but Lily I sure did."

"How do they feel about meeting me?"

"They are so excited. I rarely introduce them to anyone I date. Mostly because it's not normally serious."

"We're serious?"

"Derek, I haven't lived with a man since Wayne—well except for Ty, he was a roommate I had for a while and he was totally gay."

"I'm teasing. I know this is serious. I've never lived with a woman—unless you count my mom and sisters."

"I don't"

By this time they were at the airport and had found a parking place. Once they had entered the building, Claire started looking around for familiar faces. Her own face lit up when she spotted a pretty woman with medium blonde hair and glasses. When the other woman spied Claire, they both squealed and ran toward each other embracing tightly when they met. Derek just stood back and watched. Having two sisters, he recognized the behavior. He could just as easily have been watching Sarah and Des. It made him smile to see the two women who separately were powerful career women suddenly transformed into giggling teenagers before his eyes. Behind the sisters, he saw a couple holding hands approach. They looked to be in their sixties and Morgan immediately recognized them from their pictures to be Glenn and Nora Turner. They smiled brightly as they laid eyes on their two youngest children hugging and were quick to join the embrace. Derek shifted on his feet and waited. He wasn't part of this but he knew that at least some of the attention was about to turn in his direction and he surely was correct in that assessment. He saw the cluster pull apart and suddenly was aware of the Turner clan heading his way arm in arm. Not typically an insecure person or one to run away from a tense situation, he found himself unsure of what to do and a small part did want to run away. The larger part of him that had grown so intently dependant on the presence of Claire in his life made him stay and flash that 100 watt smile that had always seen him through in his life.

"Mom, Daddy, this is Derek Morgan. Derek, these are my parents, Glenn and Nora and my baby sister Lily."

"It is a pleasure to meet all of you. Claire talks about you all the time and how much she misses you and wishes you all could spend more time together."

The Turner's all shook hands with Derek and it was Glenn who spoke first.

"Claire has certainly told us plenty about you too. Don't worry, it was all good."

Derek studied the older man's face and found no judgment and none of that "what are your intentions toward my daughter" attitude. He could tell Glenn was concerned and wanted to get to know this new man in her life but there was no grouchy father staking out his territory. Actually looking at all three of the new faces in his life he found a warmth and friendliness that helped to put him more at ease than he expected to be. Truth be told, Derek had been incredibly nervous about meeting Claire's family and had even asked Reid about it before he left work the day before only to be reminded that Reid had never met Maggie's parents. Poor Maggie had the parents from the lower reaches of hell while Claire was raised by some television perfect family. Claire's parents were supportive and proud of their children. All of them, even Paula who chose to be a stay-at-home mother which would seem on the surface to not be in line with the way the Turner kids were raised but Glenn and Nora insisted that all they ever wanted for their children was happiness. Paula was happy so her parents were happy and she from all accounts was an amazing mother so they were proud.

Derek drove them all to his house and felt another moment's trepidation. There was always the possibility that they wouldn't approve of where he had their little girl living. Now he knew that was silly. His house was every bit as nice as the one she had been renting and her touches were all over the place. He was more than willing to admit that he was no decorator and the place was sorely in need of a woman's touch. But now he knew that he was proud of the house and could feel good about the little home they were building together. Once the guests were settled, they sat down to chat and get to know each other before the team came for a cookout. Derek had argued that if he was meeting her family that they might as well meet his family or at least the part of it he saw the most.


	17. Chapter 17

"A hundred days have made me older  
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face  
A thousand lies have made me colder  
And I don't think I can look at this the same  
All the miles that separate  
Disappear now when I'm dreamin' of your face."-3 Doors Down 'Here Without You'

* * *

The party was in full swing and Derek took a moment to look around. He smiled to see Claire balancing Henry on her hip while she talked to J.J. and Will. She looked so easy with him there, so natural. He knew she was very comfortable as an aunt to Paula and Ian's respective broods but this was something more. He could already see her with his own child and being an absolute natural mother. _Wow! Nothing like trying to rush things, Derek, just because she wanted to move in with you doesn't mean she's going to want to bear your children._ He shook his head to try to dislodge the thought that was way ahead of where he knew things were. Jack Hotchner had already wormed his way into Nora's heart. That was not surprising at all. That kid was possibly the most adorable little boy currently walking the earth and Nora was a grandmother after all, she would be helpless against his charms. Nora was dividing her attention between mini-Hotch and a conversation she was having with Garcia and Prentiss. Continuing his scan of the room he spotted Reid and Maggie talking to Lily and Derek was pretty sure that it had to do with Maggie's fertility problems. He took notice of the earnest expression on his young friend's face and the assuredness of his body language as his arm wrapped protectively around his wife's shoulders. He felt a special satisfaction in seeing the awkwardness fall away and to see this man, this husband and possible father emerge.

Derek turned his attention from his young friend and toward a boisterous laugh that he quickly identified as belonging to Glenn. Claire's father was engaged in a hearty and apparently amusing conversation with Rossi and Hotch. That was surely the best sight of all.

"Agent Morgan?"

Derek spun abruptly on his heel to come face to face with the only man he had ever met who looked nerdier than Reid.

"Kevin, please, you are a guest in my home drop the agent thing."

"Okay, um, if you don't mind my saying this, um, I wanted to tell you how happy Penelope is. Um, about you and Claire, I mean."

Morgan raised his eyebrows.

"She talks about all of you all the time. She calls you her babies and she worries about you especially. She worried that you wouldn't settle down and you'd be lonely. I'm, um, sorry. I shouldn't have said anything."

"Kevin, it's okay. I'm glad you told me. I wish she would have told me herself. If I can say this, I'm glad she has you. She deserves someone nice and good to her. I know we make you feel uncomfortable sometimes but you don't need to. You keep making our baby girl happy and we keep loving you. You hurt her and there won't be a place for you to hide."

Kevin looked terrified for a moment until he saw the patented Derek Morgan smile and knew that while he shouldn't tempt the fates, he was among friends.

"So, Morgan were you nervous about meeting her family?"

"Between you, me and that lamp there, I was terrified."

* * *

The following day Derek and Claire were spending time with her family. They had just left a local art gallery and were enjoying the beautiful weather by eating a light lunch outside. Derek was happy, no happy didn't come close to describing this feeling. He'd have to ask Reid later about other words that might be more fitting. He was sure Reid had the dictionary and Thesaurus memorized. And then it happened; his phone rang. He knew it wasn't good. Sure there was always a slim possibility that it was his mother just calling to say hi but he usually called her so if she called it was because something was wrong and it was the same way with Sarah and Desiree. A quick glance at the phone told him this was bad news. It was J.J. and that could only mean one thing, a case had come up and it was bad.

"Hey J.J."

"Just go straight to the airstrip Morgan. I'll brief everyone on the jet. It's bad and we need to move fast."

He snapped his phone shut and looked up into Claire's worried face. She never liked when he had to go off on a case. She dealt pretty well, he thought. But he knew that it was hard on her. He leaned in close to her and planted a kiss on her temple before speaking very softly in her ear.

"Hey Sweet Girl, I have to go. J.J. says it's a bad one. I'll call you as soon as I know where I'm going and as often as I can."

Claire only nodded and he could see she was blinking to avoid crying.

"I love you. You know that, right?"

Her voice was soft but strengthened by his words.

"I do. And I love you too. Please be careful."

"I promise."

And with a final kiss he was off leaving Claire to explain to her parents and sister. They wanted to know where he was going and what the case was and of course, she didn't have any idea yet and the worry was written all over her face.

"Does he leave you like this often?"

"It's his job, Daddy. I knew that when I started dating him. I have a friend who just married another man on the team. You met them last night, Spencer and Maggie. I knew what I was in for."

"Are you sure about that?" Lily asked "Because you don't look like it right now."

"Well intellectually I knew and understood that he would leave to hunt monsters but I was never really prepared for how scary that would be. But Maggie and I usually get together while the men are gone and try to distract ourselves from how worried we are. It's worse for her."

"Why is that?" asked Nora.

"When they had just started dating, Spencer was on a case and he was kidnapped by the unsub—the bad guy—and I don't know all of what happened but he came back in pretty bad shape, I guess. She knows what could happen to him and that's her husband!"

"Has your Derek ever been hurt like that on a case?"

"No Mom, he was tasered once a long time ago and knocked unconscious a couple of times but never really been in any serious danger. He's really careful. Penelope says he's the one that rescues the others usually."

"I know this won't have the same effect as when you were eight and it could solve everything but how about letting your old dad buy you some ice cream?"

Claire smiled. She frankly had been worried how they might react to this happening. It was one thing to talk in the abstract about how his job takes him away often to parts unknown but quite another to have him there one moment and flitting off to wherever the next and knowing what awful things there are prowling the darkness and shadows of the world.


	18. Chapter 18

**Okay...sorry this has taken so long for me to update. I was feeling a bit uncertain about how to approach this and I still am usure of this story. Please let me know what you think!-J**

"'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable  
and life's like an hourglass glued to the table.  
No one can find the rewind button now  
So cradle your head in your hands  
And breathe, just breathe."-Anna Nalick 'Just Breathe (2 a.m.)'

* * *

For the rest of that day, Claire tried to paste on a happy face and, while the attempt was noted by her family as noble and even brave, they ached at the falseness of her smile. Once they returned to the house, the other Turner's tried to get her involved in a game of Monopoly.

"No, I think I'm just going to go lie down and read. I'm kind of tired."

The others exchanged glances of concern but they knew that it was pointless to try to talk to her. She would just point out that it wasn't abnormal for her to go off and read alone and that was the truth after all.

Later that evening as darkness was starting to overtake the house and lights were being switched on in the living room so that Glenn and Nora could continue the game of cards they were playing, Lily happened by Claire's room. She had been heading towards the guest room where she had been sleeping in order to change for a run. She certainly had not gone upstairs to check up on her sister although if pressed she would have admitted a great deal of worry and that worry only grew when she noticed the fact that there was no light seeping from under the door to Claire's room. It didn't take a detective to realize that Claire wasn't reading. So Lily found herself leaning closer to the door and holding her breath to listen closely. Lily frowned at the sound she heard for while Claire was clearly trying to muffle the noise, she was obviously crying. Not bothering to knock, the younger Turner sister entered Claire's room. Claire didn't even look up in acknowledgement of her sister's entrance, nor did she flinch or indicate any awareness when Lily climbed on the bed and began to softly pet her older sister's auburn hair.

"Clairey, it's okay. You'll be fine. He'll be fine. It's alright…it's alright."

Lily continued to coo soothingly until Claire's sobs quieted. Although the flood of tears had ebbed, Claire still did not look up at her sister. She simply laid there curled around the pillow into which she had been sobbing and if Lily didn't know better, she would have thought Claire was unaware of her presence. But they were in fact sisters and the closest of all the Turner children and Claire did not need to move or look up or speak for Lily to know that Claire knew she was there. The younger woman simply lay down next to her older sister and used her thumb to wipe away the tears. This was a dance they had perfected over the years and it didn't even matter anymore who was comforter and who was the one needing comfort, they each knew their part and right now it was Lily's turn to wait and it was Claire's turn to talk even though that might take a while. Patience was a very important part of the choreography with this. While waiting, Lily smoothed her sister's hair and continued to dry the moist lines left on her face by her tears. At last Claire took a deep but shaky breath and spoke softly.

"I don't know if I can do this Lil. And then I love him so much I know that I can't not do it. What was I thinking even getting involved with him? I see what Maggie goes through every time with Spencer and I know what she has told me. I know how dangerous this job of his is and not just for him."

"I'm not sure I'm following there, Clairey-boo."

"You met Hotch at the party. His wife was killed by an unsub…that's what they call the bad guys. It stands for unknown subject. I know it's rare that the hunters become the hunted in quite that way but I see that poor little boy without a mother and I know it was Aaron's job following him home that caused that hurt."

"My God! Did Maggie know that before she married Spencer?"

"Before they were even engaged. She seems so flighty sometimes and all caught up in her romantic poems and the love lives of the authors but she is so much stronger than I am, I think."

"Now you said that was a very rare occurrence and that Derek is careful and doesn't get hurt…"

"I glossed over a few things I didn't want to trouble Mom and Daddy with. He's been shot. He's had to kill before while wrestling for the gun with the unsub. He once drove an ambulance containing a very large bomb to a safe place and barely jumped from it in time. I didn't lie that he's often the one saving the others but he also puts himself in a great deal of danger to do so. He doesn't even know that I know quite all of that."

"Oh Clairey-bear, you must be so frightened."

"I am every time he leaves on a case. I don't know how to do this, Lil. How could I have fallen so desperately in love with someone who scares me this much?"

"You know you used to be the older and wiser of the two of us. I see now you're just the older."

"You're hysterically funny, Lil."

"You know as well as I do that you can't help who you fall in love with and anyone who tells you different is a big fat liar."

"What if I can't handle this?"

"You're not alone. Spencer is married and you are already good friends with Maggie. Talk to her. Talk to J.J.'s fella—what was his name? Oh right, Will—talk to Will and talk to Penelope. She loves them all and has been dealing with this stuff for a lot longer than you have. See what they do to help ease their fears. You can do this. I am sure of it. I see you when you're with him and I see how he treats you and how he looks at you and you deserve this. He will make you happy if you let him."

"When did you get so smart, kiddo?"

"When you came all the way out here and I had to fend for myself for a while. Do you feel better now?"

"A little…I could use some chocolate though."

"How about some cookie dough and Slurpees?"

"And Casablanca?"

"But of course!"


	19. Chapter 19

**Sorry this story is coming so slowly now for me. I have at least 3 other stories in my head and am going through an existential crisis right now that may turn into a novel if I can solve the puzzle. As always, thank you for reading and let me know how I'm doing.-J**

"I'll watch the night turn light blue  
But it's not the same without you  
Because it takes two to whisper quietly  
The silence isn't so bad  
'Til I look at my hands and feel sad  
Cause the spaces between my fingers  
Are right where yours fit perfectly."-Owl City 'Vanilla Twilight'

*************************************************************************************

Claire snatched up the ringing phone as if she was starving and it was the last bit of food on Earth. She and Lily were both sprawled comfortably on the bed watching Casablanca for a second time through but the sound of the phone caused Claire to pounce catlike toward the ringing.

"Derek?"

"Hey beautiful, how're you holding up?"

"Better now that I hear your voice."

Once the identity of the caller was confirmed for Lily, she quietly slipped from the room to allow her sister some privacy. As she closed the door behind her, she almost bumped into her father.

"Daddy, you startled me."

Any other father might have come up with a ruse of some sort to suggest that he hadn't come up the stairs to check on Claire but Glenn knew that was pointless.

"How's she doing?"

"She's on the phone with him right now. She looks like a weight's been lifted from her."

Inside the bedroom, the phone conversation continued.

"Sweetheart, tell me how you're really doing."

"When I can hear your voice, I feel like everything is in balance and I am fine. I'm better than fine. But the rest of the time, I know where you are and what lurks out there and I know the danger you are in and I feel so off kilter and unsteady."

"I'm sorry you worry like that. I wish this didn't upset you but I need you to know that everything is different for me now that you are in my life. You are the absolute top priority. Nothing is more important that being able to get safely back to you."

"Really," she said dryly, "no more dazzling displays of heroism and bravery?"

"If I can be your hero, there's nothing else I need."

Claire laughed out loud.

"That was simultaneously the sweetest and lamest thing I have ever heard."

"I know. I realized how corny it sounded after I said it."

They were both laughing at this point and Claire had curled onto Derek's side of the bed to drink in the scent of him that lingered on his pillow. Laughing together and having his scent in her nostrils allowed Claire to be the closest place to heaven that she could find outside of him arms. As much as she could bask in the music of his laughter over the phone, the ache for him, for his heat next to her, for his heart beating in her ear as she rested her head on his chest, that ache was almost intolerable.

"So, how's the case coming along?"

"Well, I think we have a pretty strong profile so that puts us well over halfway there. How's the family? Are they pissed at me for running off and making you sad and worried?"

"No, they like you a lot, Derek. They are worried about me and I guess I'm being crazy enough to merit their worry. I still haven't learned how to do this part."

"What part, baby?'

"The alone part and not even being alone really. It's the part where I know that things can go wrong and things can be bad and you might not come back or you might come back different. I watch Maggie and I don't think I can do things the way she does. She's a little too frenetic but I guess I'm still working on my own style of dealing."

"Nothing is going to happen to me."

"You don't know that. You can be careful and do everything right and something could still happen to you. Do you think Maggie neglected to tell me that you got shot when Spencer was kidnapped in Ohio? What if he had wanted to kill you?"

"Claire, sweetie, please calm down. I am so, so sorry. And you're right, I shouldn't make promises that I don't know that I can keep. You are too smart and don't deserve to be patronized like that."

"I'm sorry too. You've got plenty on your plate without my hysterics. I want you to know that I'm very proud of you. I really am and I think what you do is wonderful. This is my deal to figure out. I shouldn't be worrying you with it."

"Now that was just nonsense. I want to know how you feel about everything. And if there's anything I can do to make this easier for you to handle, please tell me."

"You know I really love you, Derek."

"I know and I love you too even though that scares the hell out of me."

*****************************************************************************

Claire was just hanging up the phone when she heard a light knocking at the door.

"Come in."

Glenn peeked into the room not wanting to interrupt if she was still on the phone.

"Hey there Peanut, how are you doing?"

"Like I wish people would stop asking me that. Really, though, I just talked to him and that always makes me feel better. It's good that he calls me at night because I don't know if I'd sleep at all while he's gone otherwise."

Glenn sat down on the bed.

"You're really in love with this man, aren't you?"

"Yeah, something awful, Daddy."

"He's a good man. I haven't known him long but I can tell and I can tell he loves you too. He won't be able to hold off proposing much longer. You should be prepared for that."

"How could you possibly know that?"

"I'm a man. I know that look in his eyes. He sees forever when he looks at you. I know that look because I had it when I met your mother. Just be ready and think about what you need to do. I can see he's trying not to rush you because obviously he knows about the loser."

Glenn had never liked Wayne and Claire knew that she should have listened to her daddy when he advised her not to marry him in the first place. Since the divorce, Glenn would not even call Wayne by his name. "Loser" was one of the milder things that he was called.

"Yes he knows. What should I do, Daddy? Should I marry him?"

"Little girl, I can't answer that for you. With shithead I knew he would hurt you in one way or another and he'd mean to do it too. Derek would never intentionally hurt you and he'd most likely chop off his own arm before he'd allow anyone else to hurt you. But this job of his will never be easy to take and there's an insanely high divorce rate among law enforcement. You are the only one who knows if you can come to some kind of terms with this whole situation."

"I wish I knew what to do, Daddy."

"When the time comes, you will."

************************************************************************************


	20. Chapter 20

**Frustrated with this but I think it will be alright. I think I'll feel better about this now that I am back to the Morgan/Claire dynamic...the family stuff was intimidating for me.-J**

"It may be raining, but there's a rainbow above you  
You'd better let somebody love you (Let somebody love you)  
You'd better let somebody love you  
Before it's too late."-Eagles 'Desperado'

Derek's palms were sweating as he stared at the family of his girlfriend. He internally groaned at that word "girlfriend" it sounded so adolescent. You had girlfriends in middle school and even high school and college. It seems that there should be a more dignified term by the time you got to your thirties and then he reminded himself that there are better terms, ones like fiancée and wife, those were much more fitting of an intelligent, independent and completely grown woman. But as things stood right now, she was his girlfriend. His girlfriend that he had worked very hard to get out of the way today. There was a conference about; well he wasn't sure what it was about. He knew that it was something that only a literature professor could have even feigned an interest in whatever it was. Claire wasn't going to go but Derek had insisted that she go and have fun with Maggie and he would entertain the Turners. So here he sat facing Glenn, Nora and Lily across the kitchen table and knowing that any minute his laptop would be displaying the images of Ian and Paula, the only members of the Turner clan that he hadn't yet met. In the two days since he had been home he hadn't been able to hold his train of thought to anything but this one topic and he had to address it now. He nearly jumped when the images of Paula and Ian popped onto the screen. He looked toward the screen to see faces that he recognized from photos that Claire had showed him. Paula was balancing a toddler on her lap, possibly the most angelic little girl he had ever seen.

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you Ian and you as well, Paula and if memory serves, that is little Sophie."

"You have a good memory, Agent Morgan."

"Please, call me Derek."

There was at this point an uneasy quiet as Derek tried to formulate his thoughts and put them into the right words. Nora was never a fan of waiting or of uncomfortable lulls in conversation and she abruptly broke the silence.

"You wanted to talk to us, Derek?"

"Yes ma'am. I know you raised Claire to be independent and stand on her own. But I also see how close knit this family is and I know that you, every one of you, were there to see her through some very dark times."

Glenn drew in a sharp breath. Derek knew he was treading on thin ice even alluding to Wayne but it was important to what he really had to say.

"You know, of course that we prefer to not speak of those times."

"Yes sir, I do and I don't blame you. The simple thought of it all makes me want to, I don't even know but it doesn't inspire rational thought. I wanted to talk to you today, the lot of you, out of a respect for the protectiveness I see in your relationships with Claire. That's something I can surely relate to. I feel that way about my family too. I know you want for Claire to be happy."

"We know that you are in love with her, Derek."

He was slightly taken aback by Nora's interjection. That woman had a flare for getting right to the point and was not interested in dancing around an issue.

"Yes, I am and since I know that is hardly news to anyone here, that's not what I wanted to talk to you about. Accepting the fact that I am head over heels in love with this amazing woman and going on what she says, and I believe, that she loves me, I wanted to talk about moving forward and the best way to do that."

"I don't know what you're asking us, Der?"

"I know, Lily. I'm not being as clear as I would like to. I have never been in this situation before. I have never felt like this before; I guess I hadn't allowed myself to. I look at Claire and everything I thought my life could be comes into focus for me. I don't want to mess this up and I don't want to scare her or hurt her or cause her a moment's sadness or anxiety. And I know I cause her fear and hurt every time a case comes up. You don't have to remind me. And that's part of the reason I need to find out from the rest of you what I should do next."

It was Lily who broke the silence that followed.

"I don't know if we can tell you what to do. I hate seeing her the way she is when you are away. It was really hard to be here while she cried but only part of her tears are from her fear for you. The rest are out of frustration that she hasn't figured out how to cope yet. She wants to, she just doesn't know how. She's so in love with you. If you are asking for a blessing from us, well that's a little old fashioned to be our style but if it's what you're looking for, I am more than willing to give it."

"I think that was what I was looking for. Thank you, Lily."

A few nights later, Derek and Claire were lying in bed relishing having the house back after her family's departure earlier that day.

"You're unusually quiet tonight, Derek."

"I was just thinking about how different Reid is now that he has Maggie in his life. I don't think I saw it much until after they were married but looking back, the change occurred much earlier. He's more sure of himself and a little less awkward. He grew up. I always saw him as a kid but he became a man when I wasn't looking."

"We're finally alone in the house again and all you can think about is Spencer Reid? Should I warn Maggie you're after her man?"

Derek laughed and set to tickling Claire.

"Take that one back, woman!"

"Okay, I give up. But what is your sudden fascination with Spencer?"

"He was the one who told me to not try any of my normal 'Morgan crap' I believe were his exact words. He made me start looking at my life and made me calm it down with you and get to know you. He's the reason I'm in love with you."

"Oh the romance, I am being swept right off my feet."

"Well you asked. I merely told the truth. I thought that's how we are with each other."

"It is and it's part of why I love you so much. Now, we are finally alone—well except for Clooney—and I would like to show you just how happy I am to have you all to myself again."


	21. Chapter 21

**So this is the end of the road for this story. I hope it meets with the approval of everyone-J**

"And now with you as inspiration  
I look toward a destination  
Sunny bright that once before was blue  
I have no more than I did before  
But now I've got all that I need  
For I love you and I know you love me."-The Monkees 'Papa Gene's Blues'

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I don't know what's going on with him, Lil. He's just so weird lately. He thinks I don't notice but he just seems off and I can't even put my finger on it."

Claire was sitting outside a café picking at a salad while she talked to her sister.

"I wouldn't worry about it too much sis; he loves you so much, I'm sure it's nothing to be concerned about."

"But he always talks to me about things. I even went to Maggie and she said maybe it was a case that bothered him but he always tells me about the cases. I know if any of those affect him badly."

Claire sighed and ran a hand through her hair in obvious frustration and worry.

"Okay, break this down for me. In what ways is he different?"

"I can't quite put my finger on it. I keep catching him just looking at me. He tries to cover it by saying things like he's just so taken by my beauty or some such crap. There's just something distant behind what he says."

Claire couldn't help the crack in her voice. She had never been in love like this and had gone through so much with him. She had even found a way to come to terms with his absences and even developed her own coping mechanisms to comfort herself or at least distract from the worry caused by the danger he faced. But then there was this new worry and there was no getting around it and it scared her worse than she had ever been scared before. Staring down Wayne in one of his rages was nothing compared to this fear. In those cases it was only her life that she was in danger of losing. This time it was her reason for living and that was so much more to lose.

"Oh Clairey-berry, don't get all weepy. I cannot see that man going anywhere. How's everything else? You know, like intimately?"

"Is that the only place your mind can go? My baby sister is obsessed with sex."

"No, hon, I am not obsessed with your sex life. It's just that if he were thinking about leaving you, things would change in the bedroom too."

"Well, things are fine I guess. He's a bit more, um, amorous than normal, I guess. He-I don't know-he's more tender or something. Like he used to sometimes be like he had something to prove and I get that-I can't tell you about it but I understand. Anyway, he's not like that anymore. It's all soft and sweet and romantic."

Claire was flushed red and hoping that those at the tables around her couldn't figure out what she was talking about. This was so very confusing. He seemed so distant and contemplative except in bed and that was better than ever which was really saying something because it was always amazing with him.

"I really don't see where you have cause for worry. I think he just has something on his mind and hasn't figured it out enough to tell you about it yet. Take a breath and enjoy being with him and let it work itself out."

"I know you're right sis but it's just so hard. So how are things with Adam?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

As much as she felt things were in no way resolved, talking to Lily always made Claire feel a little better and she even found herself humming a bit as she walked into the house. The first thing that hit her was the aroma, something was cooking and it smelled wonderful.

"Derek? Where are you, babe?"

Derek appeared from the kitchen wiping his hands on a towel that was flung over his shoulder.

"Hey beautiful, sorry I didn't hear you come in. Can I get you a glass of wine?"

Claire was visibly taken aback; this was much more connected and present than he had seemed in weeks, well outside of bed that is.

"Sure, wine would be nice. What smells so good?"

Morgan came back with the wine but held it out of reach until Claire gave in and offered a kiss.

"Let's see, rice stuffed chicken breasts, steamed asparagus and a spinach salad."

"Wait, you can cook?"

Derek put a hand to his chest as if mortally wounded.

"Ouch, now that one hurt woman. I should cook for you more, God knows you deserve it. For now, just sit back and relax, I'll have this on the table in just a few minutes."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Dinner was magnificent and Claire made sure Derek knew she thought so. She couldn't quite get over the setting. He had gotten out the good dishes that she hadn't even known he had and lit candles and she was beginning to feel silly for her earlier worry but then there was the inevitable pause and there he was just staring off into space like he wasn't even in the room with her. Just as she was about to speak to try to bring him out of this fog he had gotten lost in, he seemed to return to her and flashed that brilliant smile. Claire reciprocated with a smile of her own but couldn't shake that nagging feeling that something was not right with her boyfriend.

"So gorgeous, how about we take a walk and get us some ice cream for dessert?"

Claire stood and held out a hand for him and off they went. Once they were headed back toward the house with their treat, she thought to herself how this all felt very much like when they first had met and started dating. The conversation was light and happy and Derek was entirely hers. She for once felt that she wasn't sharing him with whatever dark or confusing place had been routinely taking him from her lately. Their ice cream was finished by the time they walked up the steps to the front door of the house. Claire reached for the knob but Derek took her hand gently and turned her to face him. She studied his eyes and saw that he was more present than she had ever seen him in the time she had known him. She was disquieted though to see fear and uncertainty in his eyes. Her brow furrowed in question to him of what this was all about.

"Claire, I have to ask you something. I have gone back and forth in my head to try to figure out if this is the right thing to do right now but I have to. Every day that goes by and I don't ask this question, I feel is lost and even wasted. I tried to give some space for you to be able to trust all that we have and for me too. Neither one of us has allowed ourselves to feel this kind of love before and sometimes it has scared the hell out of me but I realized that there's nothing to fear in this unknown. The known is what I should fear."

"Derek, what on earth are you talking about?"

"Honey please let me talk this out; I want you to understand this. I love you so much and I see things when I look at you. I see things that spell the end of the road for someone I used to be and that scared me at first but now I realized that there was a lot about him that I didn't like all that much anyway."

Derek maintained constant eye contact with Claire as he lowered himself to kneel before her on his front stoop—not his, their front stoop.

"Claire, I am asking you to be my wife, to let me be your husband. Please, sweetheart, will you marry me?"

The world began to swirl around Claire as she tried to digest this question presented to her. Her daddy had been right and she should have taken more time figuring out what to say. Obviously this was the reason behind his recent distance. Claire began to feel as if she might faint until she locked eyes with Derek and felt at once steadied and that gave her the answer.

"Yes, yes, Derek, I will marry you."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


End file.
